Denial [ n.s] EDITING

Chapter 19 - Denial

A/N; THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K READS! I didn't even know what I was doing when I started this story and I never expected so many good reviews about it. Love you all! *kisssssssessssss*

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Chapter nineteen

Nathan's POV,

~

The boys and I were just backstage - doing our usual pre-show routine.

As much as it excites me that we're back and doing this again, I can't help but feel nervous.

'So, how's the misses?' Jay asked Siva.

'She's great! Got a lotta new job opportunities coming up' he smiled. 'Speaking of Nareesha, I was supposed to call her. Excuse me' he said as he went to the other room.

'Siva has Nareesha. Tom has Kelsey. Max has Nina. I guess it's just you and me then, Lil Nath' Jay poked me in the arm - playfully.

'Nah, Nathan ain't single. He's got a girl, mate' Max chirped in.

'Nath has a girlfriend? HOW did I not know?' Tom yelled.

'Yeah, she's such a cutie. Her name's Sawyer. She's quite the badass as well' Max winked.

'Nathan?' Jay called.

'She's not my girlfriend, alright. I'm single. She was just a summer fling. We never even dated. If was just harmless flirting, alright?' I said.

'Summer fling? Nathan, that doesn't sound like you at all mate' Tom said.

'Well,' was all that came out of my mouth.

I didn't wanna talk about Lea.

Not now, at least.

'It's time' Jay said as he and the rest of the boys stood up.

'A show to remember, yeah?' Max said.

We all exchanged smiles and got ready to go on stage.

Focus, Nathan.

This is your life.

Shows, tours.

It's what you've dreamed of for a long time.

A year ago you were afraid to say goodbye. But now you don't have to anymore.

Focus.

Girls come and go. Dream's are hard to achieve. Don't screw this up.

~

Sawyer's POV,

~

'You owe me something' I said as I looked towards him - Nathan.

'Wait, wait, I owe you what now?' He looked stunned.

'Remember that first night we spent together. Here. You were exhausted cause' you had your mates over' I said.

He nodded.

'You promised to tell my why you did it, your act. The reason you were different around your friends. Not the way you are with me' I continued. 'You said you'd tell me'

'Well,' he started. 'I-it's-I guess, it's denial? Or at least that's what the therapist said, a year ago'

'Why denial?' I asked.

'Different things I guess. After certain things' he paused for awhile, it seemed like he was holding something back. 'I felt like I needed to prove myself. Be cool, popular.'

'Things?' I raised an eyebrow.

'After my dad bailed on us and something else .. that I don't really like talking about'

'Oh' was all I said.

I guess I can't blame him for not wanting to tell me.

Everyone's got things that's only meant to be known among themselves.

'It's just rebelling, I suppose. Not being what your parents' he stopped. 'parent .. wants you to be. I never asked my mum why he left. I just knew that he did. And that he wasn't coming back.'

I rested my head on his shoulder.

'And then, I met new people. And I got used to acting different around friends and being myself around family - or in this case, people I care about' he smiled. 'Maybe someday I'll be able to be myself entirely, in front of everyone. Just not now, not yet.'

'Thanks for telling me'

'Of course, why wouldn't I' he said.

~

Again, I was awoken.

I hate having these dreams. I hate remembering about my times with Nathan.

And this feeling - it feels like I'm waking up from a coma. It's terrible.

It's like I never wanna fall asleep again, just to avoid these dreams.

I know, it's crazy. I think I just need some caffeine.

No, actually I think tea would be better.

Well, then quit talking to yourself and go make yourself a cuppa, idiot!

'You look grim' Hannah said as I walked down.

'Well, thanks' I walked towards the kitchen to make my cuppa.

'That's what I'm for right?' Hannah winked.

I smiled and kept looking at my phone unintentionally.

'You alright?' She asked.

'Yeah, yep!'

'No, Lea, for real. You okay?'

'Psychically, yeah. Mentally .. Not really.' I took a seat beside her.

'What's going on?'

'Something inside of me is just waiting for Nathan to text me. For him to tell me he's alright and he's sorry for leaving and just talk to me' I said.

'Nathan - who?' She asked.

'Nathan. Nathan Sykes?'

She raised an eyebrow.

'Jess's brother!' I said.

'Oh. That creepy fella?'

'He's not creepy!' I defended.

'Chill dude'

'Sorry. It's just ... People mistake him for a bad guy, claim that he's a jerk and stuff when he really isn't.'

'You really like him' Hannah smiled.

'Yeah, I guess I do' I grinned.

'So, all those times you said you were at Molly's. You were actually with,'

'Nathan - yes' I interrupted.

'So, y'all had sex?'

'NO! Oh god! No, Hannah! Never, oh god, gross' I yelled and she laughed.

'I'm sure he'll call you or give you an explanation eventually, alright? It just takes time' Hannah said.

Oh I do hope she's right.

But at the same time, I can't keep waiting for a call that's never gonna come.

I've gotta move on, or try to.

Hannah and I were interrupted by the sound of Dad opening the door.

'Hello, girls' he greeted.

'Hey Mr Scott' Hannah greeted back.

'Hi' I said softly - after her.

Suddenly, Hannah's phone rang.

'Oh, it's Josh. I'll be upstairs, alright?' She said as she hurried upstairs.

I've come to the realization that my life is really boring without Nathan.

I mean it's almost the end of summer and I'm sitting in front of a TV (that's turned off) drinking a cuppa.