Denial [ n.s] EDITING

Chapter 45 - Conflicted

Chapter forty five
Sawyer,

-

Two weeks later.

Everything's been so overwhelmingly good ever since Nathan asked me to be his girlfriend and the question's been bubbling up in my mind but I still can't gather the courage to ask him.

What if he's afraid? What if I screw this up or what if they don't get along. I don't know.. I don't know if I'm overthinking this whole situation.

I continued to pack when a figure walked in. Dad.

'Leaving so soon?' He asked with a hint of humour.

'Well, I have been here for about three months' I smiled.

'Thank you' he suddenly said.

'Why?'

'Because, Sawyer, you're the one who's been here for me. Taking care of me, attending to my needs despite what happened when you left'

'Dad-c'mon it's fine' I said, hoping he'd stop talking since guilt was already rushing through my veins.

'And, I'm so sorry because if it weren't for me, you'd be in university right now'

Oh god.

'No, it's fine. There's always next semester right?' I smiled, hoping this was where the conversation would end.

'Right. Well, I think I've made this emotional enough. I'll be down making dinner. Does tuna steak sound alright?'

'That sounds great, thank you' and, he left.

My breaths began to pick up the pace and within minutes, I was crutched against my knees, on the floor.

You didn't do anything wrong, Lea.

But I did. He wasn't the reason I decided to enrol next semester. I'd decided on it way before his accident happened. It was Nathan, he was the reason I didn't want to exactly "meet" new people. I couldn't leave home just yet. I needed some time for things to settle in. I was conflicted ; lost.

But now I'm not. I'm not lost. It's not wrong that I'm with Nathan, it's not. Right?

I couldn't help but feel guilty that I was dating Nathan without my father's knowledge. But I know him, I know that he wouldn't approve of it. He despises Nathan and could hurt him physically.

He doesn't have a say in who you're with, Lea. It's your life. But he's my father. Who's done nothing but shower you with materialistic things. No.

I can't do this. My emotions are overtaking me and I need someone.

I wiped the tears that escaped my eyes with the sleeves of my sweater and pulled up FaceTime on my iPhone.

Ringing..

Ringing...

Pick up. Please pick up.

'Lea?' Hannah's voice spoke.

I wanted to say hello but the only thing that escaped my mouth was sobs.

'Lea, are you okay? Oh my god, what happened? Was it your dad? Talk to me Lea'

'I-I'm sorry I haven't called you Hannah'

'Never mind that, Lea. Tell me what's going on?'

I explained everything to her with constant sobs and stammering coming between my words.