Denial [ n.s] EDITING

Chapter 44 - Will You Be Mine?

Chapter forty four
Nathan,

-

'We're over, okay?' I said, not concerned about how it came off. Okay, maybe I didn't want to be too harsh. 'I'm sorry, I am.'

'I don't get it?' Clara shrugged.

'Uhh, we're just over. I'm sorry it ended so abruptly but I can't do this anymore'

'At least tell me what I did?' She snapped.

Truth is, she was kind of healing method? Maybe those weren't the perfect words but I needed her to get rid of my thoughts about Lea. The only thing I could thing about when I was finally back in Gloucester was Lea, and all the things we did that summer.

I knew that I left her and it was mainly my fault. That's why I didn't contact her. I thought that she had her new life in New York and possibly a new found love. I needed rebound. That's where Clara came in and pleased me in the exact ways I needed to be.

'I love someone else' I spilled. 'I know that your parents had big plans for us' that word baffled me. 'And I know that me meeting your parents was a big deal but I can't do it anymore. You and I have nothing between us. The only thing you and I have done is hook up and pretend to be in this fairy tale. We're not. This is reality. I can't go around spreading false hope and you can't go around pretending like this was ever something.'

I took a step back, thinking she needed space. Everything I just said... I can't expect it to not hurt her. 'Are you-' I began only to be cut off by her words.

'It's fine, Nathan. I get it. I kept fooling myself and I forced myself into finding someone. We both did. We rushed it and it was never going anywhere, anyways. I'm sorry too, for being the way I am'

What?

'Clara, you're not a bad person okay. You're amazing and one day you'll find a guy who deserves you. Just, live life for now, alright? Guys aren't everything. I know that's ironic coming from a guy but, you know.'

The corners of her lips curved into a smile. She wiped her tears with fingers and I brought her into a hug. 'Thanks, Nathan. I hope your girl loves you the way you love her'

your girl. she was? she was my girl again. well, not entirely but I'll get there.

'She does, I hope'

-

This is it, the moment I've been thinking of every since Lea and I reconnected in Gloucester. I'm not with Clara anymore and I can finally, after what seems like twenty months, finally have Lea be mine again.

I pulled out my phone and started texting her.

• Lying Leaaaaaa •

I hadn't changed her ID every since that night I scared her with that clown mask and called her "Lying Lea" sentimental much, Nathan?

Me: where are you?

that seemed a little rude.

Me: and hellllooo. I'm sorry I left this morning.

Lying Leaaaaaa: I'm home, why?

Lying Leaaaaaa: oh, it's fine.

Me: can we meet, please?

Lying Leaaaaaa: um, where??

Me: I'll send you the location. Meet me there, okay?

Lying Leaaaaaa: seriously you aren't even picking me up?

Me: I can't.

I didn't want to. I'd ruin it by blurting everything out in the car ride instead of saying it once we were actually there.