Finding The Courage

Part 20

The next few days were spent practicing in the fear simulation room. Four had warned both Tris and I that when we had our final test it would not just be us, there would be judges and everyone would be able to see our fears on screens around the room. I had stayed to practice with Tris, helping her think of ways to slow down her time and get creative with ways to escape her fears without showing her divergence. The days went by quickly, I found myself back in Tori's chair with my friends all around me. Tris was getting the Dauntless symbol tattooed on her left shoulder blade. I was getting the phases of the moon with a lotus flower in the process of blooming and dying next to it down my right forearm. It was our last day before the final test and we were trying to distract ourselves. I smiled at Tori's work, it was incredible and I felt like a work of art walking around with it on my body. Dinner was a somber event that night, all the initiates sat at the same two tables as we all feared what was to come. Tris and I knew we were not in any real danger of being below the top ten but our fear was for our friends.

I woke up the morning of the final test long before anyone else. I grabbed some of my clothes and made my way to Wayne's apartment. I took a long shower there after I had worked out, trying to get rid of any nerves. I left my hair down today, only pulling back the part that would fall in my eyes when I bent forward. I couldn't afford the distraction during the final test. I made my way to breakfast after pulling on my most comfortable clothes and my trusty boots. I pulled on a sweater that Wayne had gotten for me as I locked the door and made my way back down to join everyone else. I found Uriah and Marlene sitting quietly with Lynn and Tris, they were all silent munching on something. I grabbed a muffin and some water as we waited to be told to head to the final stage. 

We finally made our way back to the fear simulation room, sitting quietly as they decided who would go first. We sat as a group Tris, Will, and Christina on one side of me and Lynn, Marlene, and Uriah on the other. Peter was behind me and was lightly playing with my hair. I didn't have the heart to swat his hand away, I figured it was something to distract himself and I didn't mind the calming effect it had.

Initiate after initiate went into the room. We watched time and time again as the people we had grown close to froze in the face of fear. We applauded when they finished and wished the next person luck. Tris was called after about half the group was gone. I watched carefully as her simulation started. I watched as she got attacked by crows, fending them off with a burning stick. Next she began to drown and I held my breath as she calmed herself down enough to move past the fear. I watched her burn at the stake, and get kidnapped, her fifth fear was one that bothered me greatly. She was in Four's room, he was pushing her down on the bed. She was trying to stop him and ended up punching him to get him to stop. Her final fear was having to kill her family, only along with her parents and brother was me. She considered me family. My heart broke as I watched her sacrifice herself to save us. She woke up and that was the end of it. 

I watched as Eric approached her and injected her with something the same way he had every other initiate. She looked wary but allowed him to continue. I was called after she had left. I made my way to the middle of the room once more, sat myself in the chair and relaxed as I was injected with the serum as I had been so many times before. 

I closed my eyes and I was falling, I opened my eyes to find myself in the pitch black room again. I could feel the fear creeping up on me but I closed my eyes again and counted as I breathed in and out. I could feel my surroundings change and this time I was in the tunnel, I began moving instantly before the fear could hold me in place. I pulled myself out of the tunnel to find myself standing on the edge of the chasm, I watched Al fall to his death once again before I could stop him. This was a new fear for me but I stopped myself from crying and again took deep breaths until I felt the wind against my face that I knew was from the fear of Four being thrown off the top of a building. As I had done before I jumped off the building to catch him and as I hit the ground I was waking up in the chair in the middle of the room. I was a little shocked that I had somehow lost a fear or it had changed to reflect something new, not being able to save an innocent.

Eric was there to help me out of the chair as my legs threatened to give out under me. He had another syringe in his hand.

"Congratulations. Every member has to be fitted with a tracking device." He held out his hand for my arm. I placed my arm in his open palm and allowed him to inject me. When he was done he guided me to sit down outside the room.

"Stay here, we have something to talk about when I'm done here." He gave me a stern look.I simply nodded my head as Uriah disappeared into the room. My leg began to shake as I waited for Uriah to be done. I began piecing puzzle pieces together again as I had the night Four had shown us the lights on in Erudite. It dawned on me then that the trackers Eric was giving everyone was how Dauntless was going to play a part in the war.