Finding The Courage

Part 76 (End of Allegiant)

The next day brought other challenges. The experiment had ended, Johanna had been able to negotiate with David's superiors to allow the former faction members to stay in the city as long as they were self sufficient and allowed outsiders to come join them turning Chicago into another metro area like Milwaukee. The Bureau would be in charge of keeping order in Chicago's city limits. Four had taken a truck from the compound and had headed back to the city. I followed after him, His path led us to his house in Abnegation. When I finally caught up to him he had shaved his head, he was staring at himself in the mirror holding a vial of memory serum. He hadn't heard me approach.

"You didn't think I would notice you missing this morning?" I called out to him. "You've been stuck to my side for days. Matthew told me you stole a vial of memory serum." I approached him slowly.

"Why'd you come?"

"I wanted to see the city the way it was before everything changed. Give me the vial Toby." Four met my eyes, a glimmer of surprise flickering through the haze of grief at the use of the nickname I hadn't used in months.

"This isn't your choice, this is mine." He said folding his fingers around the vial in a protective manner.

"Come on Toby, you might be a lot of things but you were never a coward. This is a coward's way out and this isn't what Tris wanted." His eyes blazed in anger at hearing Tris's name.

"Shut up! You don't know what she would have wanted. You didn't know her-" He was screaming at me now. I matched his energy as I always had,

"Except I do." I screamed right back at him. "I know she wouldn't want to be erased from your memory like she didn't matter." He lunged for me then but I was prepared. He hit the wall behind me.

"Don't you dare say that again."

"Or what Four? You'll hit me? You did that plenty during initiation. I can take you and we both know that. If you want to physically fight about this, fine." He froze. He slumped against the wall and took a breath.

"I'm sorry." His voice was weak, barely above a whisper. I wrapped my arms around him and we sank to the floor. I was sitting between his legs with his head in my chest and his arms tightly wrapped around my waist.

"I know how it feels to want to forget everything. I know what it's like to have someone you love killed senselessly. You want to trade everything for a minute of peace. But Tris changed both of us and the people we have become are worth being." Four started sobbing again and I cling to him as the sobs wracked his body until he had run out of tears. Finally he pulled away from me and offered me the vial. I pocketed the vial and helped Four up off the floor. We made our way down the stairs and out to the street. The sun had started to set in the distance we could make out the sound of the train rushing through the city but that was no longer our life. We had bigger things we were moving towards.

I led him away from the truck and further into the city, I led him to the train tracks and we ran to catch the train as it headed back towards Dauntless. We made it in time pulling ourselves into a car as the city rushed by under us. The city was on fire from up here and my hair caught the same light and caught fire with the rest of the city.

"Ready?" I asked as we approached the rooftop that all initiates had to jump onto. He grinned at me and we both jumped. We hit the root at the same time and we both let out a chuckle. I laid on the roof top and Four shifted to lay next to me.

"This is always going to be part of our story Toby, this place and these people." I rolled onto my side to face him. "This will always be home, but we can create our own home. We can start over anywhere in the city. We could even go back to Amity."

"It would have to be somewhere with high rooftops or trees, you can't live without the open sky." He teased me lightly. "Hey you told me you would tell me what Tris meant by trying again when the time was right. When will that be?" I shifted so that I was sitting and then I made my way to the edge of the roof. Four followed after me and caged me in with his arms.

"She wanted us to give it a shot. Honest to god, try and build a life together." I said quietly. "She knew you were still in love with me, she tried to ignore it but she felt awful about ruining something that had existed long before her. She made me promise the night we left to get Zeke that I would forgive you for choosing her and have the life together we should have if something happened to her." I turned to face him and there was shock clearly written across his face.

"She was willing to let me go so that we could be together?" I nodded my head. "So where do we go from here?"

"We start over. We honor her memory and we find something to work towards." I murmured. "First we go back to the Bureau and figure out what our friends want to do. I don't want to live in a city without them. I need to catch up with Wayne and let him know I'm still alive." Four chuckled.

"Wayne might actually kill me if I don't bring you back in one piece." I rolled my eyes at him.

"How do I stop missing her?"

"You don't, you never will. She changed our lives but every day will hurt a little less." Four took my hand then and ran his fingers over my palm. The wind chose that moment to pick up and Four pulled my hair out of its ponytail to let it blow in the wind.

"The first time I saw you was before you ever approached me. You were standing in the sun just like this and your hair had fallen out of its bun. The wind was blowing it around creating a halo of fire around you and I thought you were an angel set to save me. I didn't realize how right I was. You were beautiful then and you are even more beautiful now." I rolled my eyes and shoved him out of the way as I made my way to the hole where the net was.

"I hope the net is still up." I said as I climbed up on the edge and let myself fall.