Finding The Courage

Part 73

We made our way through the city quietly, I fell behind the guys as I struggled to keep up in the snow. Before I could stop it I watched Peter shove Four hard, Four hit the ground hard as his gun clattered away from him. Peter grabbed Four by the collar and yanked him forward. Four elbowed him on the stomach, Peter kicked him hard in the leg and grabbed the front of his jacket. I watched as Peter fumbled for the pocket that Four had been trying to protect. Four tried to push him away but Peter's stance was too strong. Four slammed his elbow into Peter's mouth, and Peter let go with a shout. I finally reached them as Four was getting to his feet.

"You know why you won fights as an initiate? Because you're cruel, you like to hurt people. You think you're special and that everyone around you is a bunch of sissies who can't make the tough choices." Four kicked Peter in the side before he could get up and pressed his foot into his chest. "You aren't special, I like to hurt people too and I can make the cruelest choice. The difference is that sometimes I don't but you always do and that makes you evil. Even now you;re hurting someone." Four stepped over Peter as I rushed to his side. He pushed me away as he sat up.

"That's why I want it." Four stopped walking. "I am sick of being the way I am, I'm tired of doing bad things and liking it and then wondering what's wrong with me. I want to start over." I froze at Peter's confession.

"What do you want?" I asked quietly. Peter seemed to finally register that I was there.

"Nothing. Let's keep moving." He pulled himself off the ground and helped me up too. As we passed Four he grabbed Peter's shoulder.

"Don't mess with me again and I'll let you." Peter nodded and I was left to speculate about what was going to happen after we found one of Four's parents. We finally arrived at the factionless headquarters that used to be Erudite. Four stopped at the front doors.

"What?" Peter asked.

"I hate it here." Four answered.

"So what now? We break the window? Look for a back door?"

"I'm just gonna walk in."

"You betrayed her!" I shouted quietly.

"She sent people after you with guns when you left the city after she said not to." Peter pointed out.

"You can stay here if you want." Four sneered at Peter.

"If you get shot at, I'm running." Peter responded.

"I don't expect anything less." Four shot back. We entered the lobby and found that someone had disfigured the portrait of Jeanine. Several people advanced on us with guns raised, some of them looked familiar, others were just faces. Four raised his hands slowly.

"I'm here to see Evelyn."

"Right cause we just let anyone who walks in see her." someone hissed out with sarcasm.

"I have a message from the people outside the wall that I think she would be interested to hear."

"Tobias?" a voice called from the crowd. A woman stepped forward, someone who I had seen a lot before Four had transferred. His neighbor.

"Hello Grace, I was hoping to talk to my mom."

"We're not supposed to let anyone in."

"Oh for Fuck's sake, Go tell her we're here and ask her what she wants to do. We can wait." Peter shouted. Grace backed up into the crowd that had now surrounded us before she lowered her gun and jogged down the hallway. Grace returned not long after and beckoned us forward. We lowered our arms as the others lowered their guns. We passed the center of the crowd and she ushered us into an elevator.

"What are you doing with a gun, Grace?" I asked softly.

"No faction customs to observe, I can defend myself and have a sense of self preservation."

"Good." Four and I said at the same time. The elevator reached its destination and Grace led us to a large meeting room. Evelyn sat at a table on the right side of the room staring out of one of the massive windows.

"Thank you Grace you can go, You have a message for me?" Her eyes shifted to Four and then over me just once before he met his gaze.

"Mind waiting in the hall?" Four asked Peter and I.

"She can stay." Evelyn said and Peter exited the room. I sat in one of the chairs as Four approached his mother.

"The people outside the wall have no messages for us. They wanted to take away the memories of everyone in this city. They believe we are not worth reasoning with because it was easier to erase us than speak to us." Four said as he moved closer to Evelyn.

"Maybe they're right," Evelyn sighed as she turned to face Four. "Why did you come here?" Four hesitated for a moment before he sat down across from his mother and placed the small vial of memory serum in front of her.

"I wanted to make you drink this, I thought it was the only way to prevent the destruction. I know the Allegiant are going to attack. I know you will do anything to stop them including releasing the death serum." Four titled his head in a questioning manner before asking. "Am I wrong?"

"No." Evelyn breathed out. "But the factions are evil and I would rather destroy us all before I saw them restored."

"The factions were evil because there was no escape from them, we had the illusion of choice without ever having one at all. You're doing the same thing, you said go make choices but make sure they aren't factions or I'll end you." Four countered.

"Why didn't you tell me that? Why not talk to me instead of betraying me?" Evelyn raised her voice at Four.

"Because I'm afraid of you!" Four shouted. "You remind me of him!"

"Don't you dare." Evelyn spit at him.

"I don't care if you don't want to hear it, he was a tyrant in our house and now you're a tyrant in the city. You can't even see that they're the same." Four rose to his feet.

"So you think this is the only way to mend things?" Evelyn held the memory serum in her hand.

"I-" Four faltered for a moment almost as if he was at war with himself. "No, I came to give you a choice." He swallowed hard and shifted on his feet. "I thought about going to Marcus tonight but I came to you because I saw a chance of reconciliation with you, not any time soon but someday. With him there is no hope." Evelyn stared up at her son in wonder, tears filling up her fierce gaze. "It's not fair for me to give you this choice. You can lead the factionless, fight the Allegiant but you'll have to do it without me forever. Or you could let this crusade go and you'll have your son back.'' Everything was silent for a moment before Evelyn reached across the table and pulled Four into a hug.

"Let them have the city and everything in it." She said, she pulled away from Four and brushed the tears from her eyes. They stood in silence for a moment before Evelyn turned to look at me.

"I think I can get in touch with Marcus to negotiate peace. She's a better match for you than the Prior girl." Evelyn huffed out the last bit, I could see the admiration in her eyes as she took in my appearance.

"Before you do that I have a promise to keep." Four said as he touched her shoulder lightly after he turned to face me. I could see the faint red tint on his cheeks from his mothers approval of me. I waited for Four to reach me before I stood up and turned to follow him out of the room. Evelyn's hand on my arm stopped me.

"I know what the ring means, you know. I know that whatever reason you have for sticking with my son despite his pigheadedness that you are the worthy choice. I knew your parents, they were incredible people and I was sorry to hear that they passed. You are more incredible than your parents could have ever imagined. I know it might not mean much coming from me but as a mother I am asking that you give my son another chance whenever he gets his head on straight again." I met her eyes and this time there was no malice behind her words. I could tell her feelings of remorse were genuine about my parents too.

"Were you friends with them?"

"I looked up to your mother more than anyone else in Abnegation. Maybe one day I can tell you the stories? Maybe with our grandkids listening too?" She lightly teased me. I could feel the blush reach my ears before I ran from the room.