Finding The Courage

Part 46

I followed Four out of the building and back towards Erudite headquarters, however we passed right by it and started on our way back to Dauntless. As we kept walking I could feel a swirl of emotions play though my stomach. I had been doing my best to avoid being alone with Four but that had been hard given everything that had happened. The trip however was silent between us and for that I was thankful. When we arrived back home Tris was there to greet us, Four led us to his apartment and sat us down.

"We can't stay here for long, Evelyn will be looking for me. I needed to tell you what had been going on." Tris and I exchanged a look but both nodded in agreement. "Evelyn can't know that Tris and I are together. She made it clear that she doesn't trust you two and I can't be involved with either of you and remain in a place of power with her. She also told me about a group calling themselves the Allegiant, who believe that we should go outside the wall and keep the faction system intact. I have a feeling Johanna is behind it. I told her I would track them down."

"Johanna did warn her." I muttered.

"Right well now is not the time, it isn't safe here for you two. We have to get back but we can't go together. Tris, you should head back with Wren I'll follow behind you."

"Actually if you don't mind I was going to stop at Wayne's and clean up a little bit." I responded. "Maybe you guys should go do something together and I'll meet you back in Erudite." Tris nodded at this idea and I left the two of them to whisper about a date. I made my way through to the compound which felt incredibly empty now that most people were in Erudite and Candor. I made my way up the familiar stairs and into Wayne's apartment. I wasn't surprised by his absence but felt better when I found a little note he had left. He knew I was around and safe because I was coming in and out of the apartment and leaving piles of dirty clothes in his bathroom. I smiled at his note and wrote a small one back to let him know I was safe and that I was probably not going to be around a whole lot given the situation but hoped the next time I stopped by I would see him.

I made my way into the bathroom and rejoiced in the first shower I had had in days. When I finally stepped out of the shower and made my way to the closet in Wyane's room I noticed the subtle changes in the clothes that he had picked out. Most of it was still black but there was the occasional sweater or something that I could throw over the rest of the black clothes to stay within the new guidelines of Evelyn's rule. I decided to play along for the moment I slipped on a pair of black pants along with my boots. I pulled a white cropped shirt on and covered it with a leather jacket that almost looked green in the right light. I sat on the bed for a moment fiddling with my necklace before deciding to braid my hair. I needed to waste time so Tris and Four could have a decent date. I braided the top of my hair into two little buns while the rest of it fell naturally around my face and down my back. When I was done I slipped out of the apartment and made my way back to Erudite. The ride on the train was silent despite there being other Dauntless on the train, it was almost as if I had missed something important. We all jumped off the train and made our way towards headquarters. I froze when I realized that a huge group had formed outside the building. I pushed my way to the front and found Tris and Four not too far off. We watched in horror as Evelyn emptied every bowl from the choosing ceremony on to the ground and then destroyed the bowls themselves.

The crowd around me surged forward as people began to shout angrily. I felt someone grab my arm and drag me out of the chaos as Evelyn began to speak. I met Peter's eyes and allowed him to pull me further back into the very growing crowd.

"There will be a strict curfew put into effect, armed guards will enforce this." I heard her shouting. I finally allowed myself to search for Tris and Four, their eyes found mine and Tris mouthed "we have to get out" as we moved through the crowd. "Every member of the city will be expected to learn the jobs of the factionless, we will share all jobs equally. These new rules will go into effect immediately."

Peter had effectively brought me away from the crowd fully before the chaos really returned. We heard a gunshot and watched as Edward fell to the ground bleeding as the crowd began to fight back. Peter dragged me away from the fighting and back up to the roof we had been on hours before. We could still hear the fighting down below but I knew together we would be safe up here. Peter tucked me against his body and dragged me down to sit with him, his back against the wall so all we could see was the sky above us.

"It would be so easy just to jump." Peter mumbled into my hair. "I wouldn't have to worry about people trying to kill you or steal you away from me." I leaned more into his chest and grabbed one of his hands, bringing it in front of my face and playing with his fingers.

"We chose to be Dauntless, this is the job. We fight for those who can't fight for themselves." I murmured as I remembered the first time I had heard the Dauntless manifesto. "We are the brave, the survivors, the protectors. This is our fight and we have to fight to win. We beat Jeanine, and now we have to fight Evelyn so we can really be free." A gust of wind tousled my hair around in front of Peter's face.

"I was free." I turned in Peter's lap to face him.

"But I wasn't."

"I never would have let them find out about you. I would have kept you safe."

"If they found out about Tris they would have found out about me. Eric knew and he protected me and see where that got him? I don't want to lose another person. I can't lose another person." I sighed as I leaned back into Peter's body, still half turned towards him. "Everyone keeps dying. How many more people do I have to lose before this ends."