Finding The Courage

Part 16

I spaced out the rest of the time we were in the fear landscape room. I followed Tris, Will, and Christina into the dorm. Al was sitting on his bed, we could tell he had been crying. His head shot up as We entered the room. He rushes to our side only Will stops him as Christina stands protectively in front of Tris.

"I just want to speak to them please. I'm so sorry, Tris, Wren please."

"You don't get to come near either of them again, especially not Tris." Will says shoving Al away from us.

"Tris please I'm so sorry." Al begged.

"You're a coward Al. If you ever come near me again I'll kill you." Tris hisses out at him moving past him to the showers. Al turned his eyes to me.

"You should have stopped, You didn't need to beat me up." I whispered to him. I followed Tris to the showers. I stood outside her shower stall as she finished up.

"What was that look for earlier?" I asked as she stepped out.

"I didn't like the way Peter was touching you, he is the reason both of us are hurt and you let him touch you." She whispered to me.

"I would have fallen to my death if Peter hadn't touched me." I watched as her eyes widened. "I'm not saying I think he's a changed man or anything but I owe him my life." I grumbled. I washed my face and we both made our way back to our beds. Sleep did not find me quickly as it did most nights. I could hear Al sniffling still. I was just about dozed off when I heard someone start moving. I heard the doors to the dorm close and I immediately got up to follow whoever it was. I wish I had heard that Al had stopped crying when the doors had closed. I made it to the hallway and saw a slow lumbering shadow disappear towards the chasm. I rushed after it, praying that no one had taken a page out of Peter's book.

When I reached the chasm I saw Al standing on the edge just watching the water. I went to step out and approach him only to rush forwards as I saw him begging to fall towards the water.

"No!" I screamed out as Al disappeared over the side of the chasm. I hit the ground to see if he had maybe caught himself on a rock and hadn't hit the bottom. I however was greeted with nothing but empty space to the bottom. I let out a horrified scream again as I lay there water splashing on my face. Someone must have heard me because there was a group of people behind me as someone helped me away from the edge. Four sat on the ground next to me as I curled up with my face in my knees. I could feel my body rocking as I started to cry.

"Wren, who was it?" I could hear panic in Four's voice.

"I couldn't stop him, I tried to reach him in time. I tried." I cried.

"Which one was it, initiate?" This time it was Eric's voice in my ear. I looked up to see Four on one side of me crouched down on my level and to my surprise Eric was also crouched down on the ground on my other side.

"Al." I sobbed out. People start to head back to bed as they begin the process of fishing Al out of the chasm. The other initiates gathered around me as we moved to the Pit. Tris wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we sat and watched Al rise from the depths. I heard Eric's voice but I couldn't focus on his words as he talked about how brave Al was. My eyes were focused on his body which now lay in front of us. Someone pushed his eyes closed as they brought the body bag. Eric is still going on about how we should celebrate Al's death. All I could focus on is Al's body being too big for the body bag. I felt myself begin to gag and Tris suddenly disappeared from beside me.

I turned away and left as the faction began cheering Al's death with Eric. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I could have stopped this all from happening. I found myself on the rooftop, standing on the edge with my eyes on the stars and my arms outstretched. I felt the wind whip around me as the tears spilled from my closed eyes. I stood there sobbing until I had no more tears to shed. I heard the door to the roof open behind me but paid no mind to it. I was finally relaxed enough to breathe normally. Arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me down to stand on the roof. I was pulled back into a strong chest as someone rested their head on top of mine. I burst into tears again at the comforting gesture, I twisted around to find Eric staring down at me with compassion in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I was harsh with you earlier. Four and I were both scared it was you in the chasm when we heard someone screaming. I wish I could have comforted you. It hurt me to watch you break down like that." He pulled me back into his chests as I continued to cry. He ran his hand over my back in a comforting way, it reminded me of when my mother used to comfort me as I cried. "You should stay with your brother tonight if you can. I know he is going back on guard soon." Eric pulled away and wiped the tears from my cheeks with his finger tips. Against my better judgment I leaned into his touch and sighed. My brain had shut down and was only focused on the comfort that I needed. 

"I could have saved him. I could have forgiven him." I mumbled.

"No, you couldn't have. He was dead last and wasn't going to make it in this faction. He took the best way out in his mind." Eric tried to comfort me but it was obvious that he wasn't good at it. We stood there for a few more minutes before Eric kissed my forehead and left me to my thoughts. I found myself making my way back to the chasm, I stood over the rushing water just thinking about how Al felt like he had no other choice. I heard voices getting closer and turned to find Tris, Will, and Christina approaching me.

" We're gonna throw these in the chasm, do you want to join us?" Tris asked. I nodded and began throwing Erudite pamphlets into the water. We continued this until there was nothing left to throw. We made our way to get dinner, Tris was still talking about how she thought it was stupid that Eric would call Al brave when in reality he had been a coward. The anger was clear in her voice and I nodded my agreement as she continued to vent. I caught Four watching her while she continued to go on and on. He just shook his head and looked away, never noticing that I had been watching him.