Finding The Courage

Part 12

When I reached the dorms everyone else was already awake. Tris and Christina were missing. I didn't feel comfortable asking any of the other girls to hold a towel for me while I showered. I sighed to myself and shuffled to my bed in order to gather clean clothes.

"I'll cover you in the shower. I promise not to look, you can even blind fold me." Peter's smooth voice came from my right. I stiffened a little, but relaxed when I realized this was his way of proving he was trustworthy.

"Fine but Molly has to stand by and make sure you don't go back on your word." I met his eyes. He smirked at me and went to find Molly. I grabbed a towel and followed after him. Molly stood next to one of the stalls holding a sheet. Peter was now blindfolded facing Molly, I rolled my eyes at how odd this was but I wasn't comfortable enough to let just anyone see me naked. I stepped into the stall and Molly gave Peter the sheet, guiding his arms to make sure I was fully covered. Once I was sure it was safe I began to strip and turned on the water. Showers in Dauntless were not long, the water was not warm. I had gotten it down to an art, washing my hair and body without freezing. I watched the sheet for any signs of movement the entire time but true to his word Peter did not try anything.

When I stepped out of the shower, wrapped in my towel and dripping wet Peter waited for me to tap him before dropping his arms.

"Thanks." I muttered while I moved back towards where my clothes were. I slipped on my underwear and pants under the towel and faced the wall while pulling on a bra and long sleeved shirt. I wrapped my hair in the towel to help it dry faster. I knew the second stage was mental so I added a little make-up while I waited for my hair to dry. Peter followed my movements around the room with his eyes from his bed. I finally pulled the towel off of my head and let my damp hair fall around my face. I parted it and threw it into two buns on top of my head.

"That's a cute look for you." Peter called from his bed. I shook my head to make sure they would stay and then turned away from the mirror.

"Not that I care about your opinion on my appearance but thanks." I said as I passed him on my way out of the room. I wandered around and found myself in the Pit, Tris was once again looking at tattoos. I didn't blame her, we all needed a reason to keep our minds from the first day of the second stage of initiation. Before any of us could decide to get another tattoo we were called to start the second stage. We lined up in a dark hallway with the Dauntless born initiates one by one our names were called into the room at the end of the hall. Initiate after initiate came back out of the room shaking, in tears. Tris and Christina were whispering to each other about what it might be, Uriah was trying to crack jokes to keep our minds off of what might happen but the hallway was tense. Finally it was my turn. Four opened the door for me to enter. The room was similar to the one I had gone into months ago when I found out I was divergent.

"This is like the test you took before, only this time it's your fears you'll be facing." Four explained as I sat down in the chair. I took a deep breath as he shot me full of the serum. My eyes closed and when they opened I was stuck in a tunnel. I could see the ending, light shone in however I could barely move. I knew I hated small places, I had gotten into trouble as a child for having gotten stuck in a small tunnel near our house, the whole faction had been called in to search for me. I took a deep breath, something in the back of my head kept telling me that this wasn't real. I listened to it and was able to calm myself down enough to start moving towards the end of the tunnel which got smaller and smaller the closer I got to the opening. As I reached the end and finally could stick my hand out of the opening I was barely able to take a full breath or I would be stuck.

The setting changed as I pulled myself out of the tunnel. I was standing on the edge of a building, someone was holding Four over the edge of the build. This wasn't the Four of Dauntless but the scrawny scared boy I had known in Abnegation. I lunged towards the person grabbing for Four to pull him back over the edge. The stranger held on to me as Four went over the edge. I woke with a start, Fours hand was on my arm as I panted. I could feel the tears in the corner of my eyes.

"You're okay, you did well. Most people can't get out of their first fear let alone a second on their first day." He pulled me into his chest as I started to sob.

"I couldn't get to you in time, they stopped me from grabbing you." I mumbled into his chest. He just rocked me for a few moments before letting go.

"I saw, I was surprised to see me through your eyes when I was Abnegation. I understand the fear of small spaces. I remember you getting stuck in the tunnel, what was the second fear?" I shrugged. I knew it wasn't heights.

"You have to clear out, take the rest of the day for yourself. This is the way this will go until the final initiation. Then you do this in front of the whole faction. Those with the best times get the best jobs." Four opened the door and gave me a light shove out. I watched Tris go in, squeezing her hand.

I made my way to the Chasm, trying to find my way to the roof that Eric had brought me to before. I needed to be alone and just breathe. After being stuck in the tunnel even in a simulation I needed to see the sun. After a few wrong turns I found myself on the roof again. I lay down in the sun and allowed myself to get grounded once more. I pulled the ring out from under my shirt and watched it sparkle in the sun. I was so captivated by the way the gems sparkled I didn't hear the door push open.

"I figured I might run into you up here. How was it?" Eric's voice startled me. I dropped the ring and quickly tucked it back into my shirt as Eric made his way to sit in front of me.

"It was awful, I got stuck in a tunnel I could barely breathe in." He nodded as he took in the dried tears on my cheeks.

"I'm surprised that Four didn't ask someone to cover for him so he could comfort you." I could hear the venom in Eric's words. I shook my head.

" He has a job to do, he wouldn't stop just for me."

I watch Eric tense and open his mouth as if to say something only to decide better and close his mouth again. We sat in silence as the sun set. I knew I was going to miss dinner but after today I wasn't feeling very hungry. I hadn't eaten much and I knew tomorrow my body was going to be extra mad at me.

"We should get back before they send a search party for you. Wayne has tasked some of his friends to make sure you're taken care of when he is away." I smirked at this information. Wayne was acting more like my father than he probably realized.

"Eric, are you afraid of my brother?" I turned to catch his face contort in a way that gave me my answer.

"On a normal day no, when it comes to you yes." He answered honestly. I was slightly surprised by his honesty. I get up and make my way back to the dorms. As I approach the chasm I hear voices. I am overly aware that Eric is close behind me, probably to make sure I don't sit by the chasm again. A group of Dauntless members are sitting around drinking. Four among them, I watch as he notices Tris and gets a little too close to her, I tense just a little bit my stomach twisting in a way I am not used to when I see that she is now wearing a low cut shirt that exposes her shoulder. Her eyes are lined with eyeliner but it seems that she had been upset earlier. I watched as our friends watched from further away. I was grateful that none of them had caught sight of me with Eric.