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"You never come see me anymore, so I'm surprised you would just drop by." My mom said as she joined me in her kitchen.
"Well, I didn't come for the holidays so...."
"Yea and you should have."
"I was not gon sit around here like an outcast." I told her plainly.
"You're not an outcast Star. This is your family, I know you and your father have problems but—"
"No buts. We have problems is a complete sentence. I came here to spend time with you momma, if we're gonna turn this into a "fix it" session, I will begin my drive back to the city."
She gave me a sad face before shrugging.
"Okay, I won't push. Did you eat?"
"Not really, I grabbed a bagel before I left this morning."
"Well then, I'll make you a plate. I got leftover grits &e eggs. Some bacon too."
"Thank you mommy."
I sat at the island as she turned back to the stove.
I absolutely adored my mother but her need to mediate problems left me in an uncomfortable position to not want to be around her. Or family period.
My father was a good guy, I guess. His priorities just weren't right.
He didn't mistreat me. He wasn't abusive, physically. But emotionally? That man abandoned me.
You ever had to deal with a parent that thinks providing for the kid is more important that actually being there for the kid? That was my father.
I had everything I ever wanted except daddy's shoulder or presence. Never came to my cheer competitions, spelling bees, never escorted me out the house to my school dances.
Always made sure to buy me the nicest dress though. Nicest shoes, nice bags. Nice clothes.
He wanted applause for doing the bare minimum of fatherly duties and wanted me to be grateful for him funding my life. When all I really wanted was him to participate in my life.
You can buy me all the expensive shit in the world, spending time with somebody is free and he couldn't even do that.
ChiChi always liked to joke about how I was picky when it came to men. But she didn't understand where my standards came from.
If you were gonna put work and making money over me? Then it wasn't going to work. Im not saying be a bum, but can I just get a second of your time? Spare something for me, cuz I just refused to be like my mother.
