Sparks in the Dark

Slow Down.

I can't slow down.
Because if I slow down then the noise in my brain shuts off. The static in my brain shuts off. Shuts off shuts off shuts off.
If the noise shuts off then I slow down and if I slow down then there is nothing left to stop me from thinking about you. Thinking about you thinking about you thinking about you.
And if I think about you, I might break down and cry.
So I can't slow down. Don't slow down don't slow down. Wake up, space out, go to school, sleep through class, wake up, yelled at, quiet the voice, doodle. Doodle. Listen to music, can't listen to music. Listen to music anyway, this one, no this one, no wait this song, wait no you showed me that, who cares, play your playlist of music, I miss you.
Shut up get loud, angry feelings and angry music, sleep in class, failing math, doodle away the feelings, vent them out, back to sleep. Fuck I dreamt about you.
SCARED. SCARED.
Its okay, wake up, space out, keep moving, walk faster, I miss you. WALK FASTER. I wanna unblock you. WALK FASTER. Sit down, talk to friends, its been 30 minutes already? Keep moving, next thing, next class, work on things. I'm failing. I'm doing okay! I'm failing.
Its been 24 minutes already? I'm so hungry, I'm so hormonal. I can't eat. I wanna eat. This tastes different. I can't swallow. I did a good job eating I'm so proud.
I miss you.
ANXIETY.
I hate people, "its so hard to do, when I hate everyone but you", I love that song, fuck you showed me that song. I miss you.
Didn't wanna see her, but there she is again. Fuck I wish I could see you. Walk faster, sing louder, sing out your feelings in-between the lines of the words. I forgot the words. I know the words.
Move faster. Draw something, anything. I can't think of anything. Vent art
Vent art vent art vent art
Music.
Listen to the playlist listen to the playlist, I'm listening, I wanna scream the lyrics, I wanna cry out the lyrics, I wanna cry. He didn't see me tear up right? No he's to oblivious
WHY CAN'T ANYBODY HEAR ME
Home, I don't wanna be alone, your bothering them, she doesn't care, their gaslighting again.
Just gotta wait till 10, just gotta wait till 10. Space out space out.
Thank God, its 10, leave. Get ready, leave.
This song reminds me of you. I miss you. Don't cry in the car you idiot she'll see. Don't cry.
I'm alone. Its so quiet. I miss you. I wanna unblock you. Give me a sign. Give me a sign. Talk to me, text me, tell me you love me, tell me you miss me you miss me you miss me. Tell me you miss me.
I wanna cry.
I can't.
Gunna go write a vent, a vent a vent.