Sparks in the Dark

I'm Tired

I am terrified that maybe I don't feel quite the same that I used to. 

The air doesn't feel as light, and my body feels weighted, and when you are around you make me feel like nothing is real, but your touch feels empty, no real thoughts or feelings behind each of your movements. 

Are you shut off? Because it never feels like you have real emotions, do you feel for me? When you say you miss me, do you miss me and care about me, or do you miss how I make you feel? Sometimes I wonder if the only reason you care is because I'm one of the only people who have put emotion and energy into making you feel safe and happy and loved. 

I have been getting so tired my love, this endless waterfall of emotions that I keep trying to pour out even though I have been empty and dried out emotionally towards others for a while, I have nothing left to give. 

I don't want to help you grow and heal, I want you to do it yourself with a sense of self love and worth, I want you to realize you don't need me, because in reality you don't, I want you to know you can survive and live happily on your own if you so chose to, you are strong, its obvious to everyone but you, and I want you to realize your strength and potential, because you could be so happy and prosperous if you just stepped into this version of yourself. 

I'm getting more and more tired. I've been sleeping more, and I've been wanting to sleep even when I am not tired, my eyes and body are well rested and charged up with energy but still I lay here and contemplate my life as I try to get you to talk to me, this radio silence it destroys me, but its too comforting to think maybe you are getting better and more comfortable. 

Don't get me wrong, I love you. I love you. But my thoughts scream. My brain is yelling at me, and I can try to ignore it for the time being, but in the end, you should know that I care for you, and that I need you to know your worth and real feelings.