I'm writing here because, well, I want to text you again but I know I probably shouldn't..
Hey.. how have you been? I know its been like a year but uh.. ya know.. I miss you.
Thats stupid.
Hey, I'm sorry about what happened last year. I just wanted to apologize because, even though I know what happened wasn't my fault, I miss you, I should've probably tried to talk to you about it more and spent more time with you.
Thats not right.
Hey.. I know its been like a year but.. I just wanted to talk. I miss you, and I've been wondering how you're doing..
Honestly. When it boils down to it, maybe we should've talked more. Maybe I should've helped more. Maybe you should've communicated. Maybe we both should've..
Its been almost 8 years since we "first met". Did you know that? To this day I still don't know what I feel for you.
At some points, sure, I was definite on what I felt. But overall, I've never truly been able to put how I feel into words. I don't know if its love.. I mean, I doubt it most of the time.
I think maybe we were one of those things where you really really want it to happen and to work out, and its always nice when its happening.. but it always somehow fizzles out..
I still think about you. I bet you doubt that. But not all of our memories were horrible together.
Like when we used to play tag at recess, and I'd call you a cheetah. Or when I first started going to your wrestling practices and watching you, I mean there were a few bad memories with that but.. you apologized later. Cuddling in school, our hugs, when we would walk together. Walking after school. Racing, knowing I would give up and lose. Talking about life together. Our downtown adventures. Going to the movies, even though I think you thought it was a date.. that one time in the basement of your house, when we were laying in your room listening to 'put your head on my shoulder'. Talking with you. Chilling in my room. That one time we were basically doing nothing, and you just straight up asked.. and it through me o f f, but it was a little appealing, and I was nervous, so it turned funny, and I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for never bringing that one thing up again after it happened.. I should've communicated my fears, and it was wrong to pretend it never happened..
I'm sorry I was never 100% always open with you. I tried to be when I could.. just sometimes I slip into my old ways and I'd mess up. But you'd mess up too. We both did.
I wish we'd talk again.. but I just never want to say the first words. I have too much pride. And I'm sorry for that.
