Sparks in the Dark

Tower, pt.1

How do you draw a feeling you can't even describe..?

A feeling flows through my brain into my heart looping around my ribcage, filling the space so it feels like I'm suffocating in this thick air that makes me dizzy to breathe. 

I don't know what this feeling is, it isn't hopeless or lonely, it isn't depressing or heavy, and it doesn't weigh like guilt or shame. 

It isn't quite light as freedom or as bright as happiness, and it isn't flowing and upholding like crushes or love, it isn't quite the feeling of bliss or euphoria. 

Not positive but not negative, this feeling is almost neutral, but it doesn't feel numb, there is a type of laced feeling to this emotion like it is fulfilling yet empty, it takes up space in my chest, not heavy but I can feel its there. 

What is it that I am feeling? It feels like feelings swept under a rug, or perhaps too many feelings built up like a tower, unable to ignore, and I'm looking right at it but I'm not sure how to handle it all. 

I look up at this tower, built high and held carefully together, having been rebuilt over and over, the cracks filled and sealed. The build is strong and well held, no way up and no way down, no inside though you know its hallow inside, no door, no windows, all bricks and concreate. 

What is inside of those walls? Could it be me? But I am me, and me is out here, am I only a mere illusion? Where is the real me? Who is me..? Who could be inside those walls, if anyone is at all. 

If I scale the wall, I could fall. At this point this room has been emptied and it is endless. The only thing left to do is to tackle this tower. I don't know what's inside, I don't even know what would happen if I would begin to climb and look. 

Would it be worth it...?

If I don't, there is nothing else to do. I would sit here for eternity waiting, alone, doing nothing in this bare white room, with this tower looming overhead. 

I think its could be worth it..