Sparks in the Dark

History

Do you ever feel the weight of our history on your shoulders? You seem so unusually light when you step, you hold a heaviness in your heart but you walk and exist as if you are floating like you giving away the poison inside you with every word you utter, your sentences effecting everyone around you. 

Our history weighs heavy and shows up in scars on your skin, blossomed there from when we first kissed, first fought, first disagreed, first held hands, first said I love you, first said goodbye, first time you made me feel hurt. Our brief interaction like a blip in the universe, the time we spent together meaningless to the years of time we still may or may not have left. Our experiences show on our skin and our hearts. 

Are you still paranoid? Are you still scared? Do you still hold all of that guilt and shame..? I offered to hold your weight and you refused, instead judging me on my own. I never meant to offend you, or judge you, and I still haven't, so why did you lash out on me? 

Its okay, I forgive you because past is past, and I think about talking to you from time to time, let you know I don't hate you and that I miss you at times. I think about what would have happened if I had taken up your offer before to stay friends. I'm not sure of how it would've turned out, and the unknown is scary, but still wonder about you from time to time you know. 

I don't love you like I did, and heaven forbid, I wouldn't ever make the mistake of being with you again, but I do wonder..

Is our history heavy on you?