Sparks in the Dark

Tacenda

Tacenda: Things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence.

I think most of the things left setting inside of me on that top shelf I refuse to let myself touch, in that jar I refuse to look at, is all better left unsaid. You can't give me any closure that I would want sadly, you would only make things worse. 

I would love to talk to you again, but I don't want you to know that cause you might make it happen, just to tell me off and send me spiraling all over again. You'd love to see me re-fall, you know you love the tedious unnecessary drama. 

I would love to unload and have you evaporate it all away, let us clean up this left over debris from our fallen bridge, but I know you would only start trying to tell me to either rebuild, or you would throw the broken bricks at me. 

I can look at you from far away all I want, and yes you still make me anxious and panicked. Not because I am scared, but because I don't wanna start feeling for you again. 

It'll be better off if I send off with no goodbyes, I don't need to check in on you, your painfully independent, and I know that, and once it sets in I won't feel this way anymore. 

Moving on was bittersweet to sweetly luxury. And I'll continue to honor your memory, but I will keep moving forward, because this version of you doesn't deserve all of this time I could be using on myself and others who matter in this moment. 

So with this last writing about you, hopefully, I love you, and maybe I'll see you again in another life, when your better.