Sorry | Murphamy AU | vol.1

22. Asleep too soon

-

Song: Hurt

Artist: Nine Inch Nails

What have I become my sweetest friend, everyone I know goes away in the end

-

Murphy P.O.V.

He takes a step back, having proved his point, but I won't let him think he's right. I cross my arms, looking down, at a loss for words. "You don't understand." I want to keep this conversation as quiet as possible. My head pounds and I feel a migraine forming on the left side of my brain. I really need to sleep. "I'm a murderer." I mutter, because God forbid someone's listening to us. My confession lingers on my lips; stale and bitter.

"It was self-defence in advance." he offers and I shake my head.

"I didn't go to the police." I argue.

"You were scared."

"But I wasn't." I killed two people in the last few months. Yeah, I suffer with guilt, but would I go back and not kill them? No. That's what scares me. That's what gives me anxiety. "You've never killed anyone before, you wouldn't know." I say under my breath. I killed innocent people–well. Semi-innocent people because I snapped. Not because I was defending myself.

He nods a few times, giving me a short kiss on my cheek, which is strange. He never does that. He pulls away and with an almost sarcastic tone, he sighs."You're right," he says, something sounding off in the way he talks. "I wouldn't know." He opens the door, letting himself into the house. I watch him disappear behind a corner and I'm left here, alone, wondering what the fuck just happened. Has he killed someone before? It's not like him, he's usually rational, however, he did help with Mbege and he's not scared of me. Had someone told me that when he was ten, he offed a few people, I wouldn't be surprised. He was a psycho in grade school. I look back into the dark house.

Do I even know him?

The funny thing, is that getting into bed has never felt more reassuring. It's not awkward. No tensions have been created and everything feels the way it should, which is odd, however, this time, he's the one who's sleeping with his back facing away from me. I think it's the first time he's done that. With caution, I put my hand on his waist, praising him for sleeping shirtless. It doesn't take much to get him to turn over. He wakes up, not really opening his eyes all that much. The jet-lag that I've been trying to ignore, starts making itself more noticeable.

I get close to him, initiating the contact. He's so much more real than I am. He gets things and doesn't let the little things bother him. He understands things, and even though I don't like to admit it, he's often right about a lot of things. He has such a cold understanding of the world and even if he denies it, he's so much more together than I am.

I find his lips in the darkness, intending on it being a lazy kiss goodnight, because we often hear Susan, telling us to never go to bed angry. I know we aren't fighting, but it's always nice to wish someone a goodnight, right? I give him a soft kiss and to my surprise, he kisses back with little to no effort, but he still kisses me nonetheless. His arms find their way around my waist and I'm not scared of him like I maybe should be. I always thought that seeing myself in someone would send me running.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. I can't remember why I'm sorry, but I'm usually the one at fault.

"I know you are."

–

Bellamy P.O.V.

I groan at the knocking. It's summer. I should be aloud to sleep in. I stumble out of bed, still dizzy with jet-lag. I throw on a shirt, opening the door, using it as a crutch.