AOT Oneshots

Marks on the Wall

Erwin Smith is sitting in gin his room, on his bed, flipping through a huge stack of papers. Each sheet has a picture, a name, and information on its subject. And three words are stamped at the bottom of each one:

Killed in Action

And for every death and missing persons report, Erwin takes a pocket knife and scratches a tally mark in the wall beside his bed, to join the hundreds of others from the past years.

He's been doing this since the first failed expedition. It's his way of saying goodbye, and of reminding himself of his failures. It's all to make himself stronger, to protect the others. It's not hurting anything, so no one needs to know, right?

152 new deaths or missing people. 152 new tally marks. One wall is almost completely covered.

He used to cover the marks with a Survey Corps flag hung on his wall, but soon the area covered was too big, and he banned anyone from entering his room. They were confused, but no one dared go against the commander's orders.

Erwin finishes the last mark and places the papers under the bed. The knife goes safely in a drawer. He stands, feeling more weight on his shoulders for each casualty.

Carefully, he creeps to the door and checks that no one is near, then slips out of the room and down to training.

•        •        •

Levi Ackerman was hiding in the shadows of a spare room, trying to get away from all the noise, when he saw Erwin sneak out of his room suspiciously. He spotted a few papers scattered on the ground. For some reason, his gut told him to check the room.

Once Erwin is gone, Levi walks cautiously up to his door and turns the knob. As the door swings silently forward, at first he doesn't register what he's seeing. Hundreds of marks on the wall. Tally marks?

Then, he sees what's under the bed. Stacks and stacks of paper, spilling out onto the ground. One is under his boot, and when he lifts his foot, he realizes it's a Killed In Action report for a soldier.

Levi looks around to see that all of the papers are the same, and suddenly he understands what's happening. He's been keeping track?

Of course Levi knows Erwin tends to take on too much responsibility. Sometimes, he doesn't leave his room for hours after an especially hard mission. Levi just assumed the commander was mourning. Never did he imagine... this.

An idea hits him and he rushes down the hall to the supply closet, pulling out two cans of paint: one white and one black. Paintbrushes, a roller, and of course, gloves and a smock.

He walks back to the room, pulls on the gloves and smock, and pops open the white paint. He begins painting over the marks, covering the whole wall until none of the scratches are visible.

While that dries, he pulls on a new pair of gloves and mops paint off the floor. Ugh. Paint is so messy.

When the wall is dry, he dips his brush into the black paint and swipes words over the white. His arms begin to ache from reaching up, but he has enough pride not to get a ladder, although he wants to. He'll just have to settle for short, shaky letters.

When he's done, he steps back and surveys his work, laughing aloud.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

After a moment of thought, he adds another word. Can't have the scouts thinking he's gone soft.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Dumbass.

Levi looks down to see black paint has dripped on his shirt. The smock, on the other hand, is spotless.

"Tch."

He gathers up his supplies, puts them back, and gathers up most of the papers to throw away. Then, he hurries to change and wash the dirty top.

•        •        •

Erwin walks back into his room later that day with a new stack of papers, confused by the smell of fresh paint. He looks up and sees that his wall is repainted. Reading the words, he laughs. There's no signature, but he would have known who it was, even if the letters hadn't been so close to the floor.

Levi.

He looks down at the papers he's holding and drops them in the wastebasket. Maybe Levi's right. He's not going to magically stop blaming himself, but this seems like a good first step.

"Thanks, captain."