AOT Oneshots

Levi Whump Pt. 1

(Something I've learned over time is that you might have this big dramatic moment where the person you're trying to help finally accepts it, and you comfort them, etc. At first, I thought everything would be ok after that. But it takes more than one moment to fix it. It might even get worse before it gets better. So I thought I'd write about that :)

TW: Self harm, hallucination, panic attack/breakdown

After the Incident with the journal, Erwin thought that everything would be ok. Levi was going to be fine, he had accepted Erwin's help and agreed to stop overworking. So everything would go back to normal.

Until it didn't.

It started a few months after the Incident. Levi started acting tired and disconnected. Ok, Erwin thought, I know he has insomnia. It must just be acting up.

Knives and razors started to go missing. Erwin ignored it. He told himself Levi would never start this again, would never go back to his old ways.

Levi began ignoring meals and disappearing to his room, day after day. It's fine, Erwin thought, he must be tired. Training is taking its toll.

Erwin tried desperately to ignore the signs. He wanted more than anything for Levi to be ok. The thought of it happening again scared him, and, frankly, he liked to think Levi wouldn't do that to him.

He found out a few weeks later, in mid fall, that he was dead wrong.

Levi stepped into the doorway of HQ, soaked from the rain drumming heavily on the roof. His hair stuck to his forehead, and his clothes clung to his body. Everyone else was asleep, and Erwin, who was drinking tea by the fire, had thought Levi was too.

"Levi! What are you doing out there? It's pouring!"

Levi didn't respond. With a face of pure numbness, he stepped a foot over the threshold...

And collapsed.

Erwin stood and rushed over. "Levi? What's wrong?"

Levi had gone limp, but suddenly sat bolt upright. "Petra!!"

"What?" Erwin said in confusion. "What do you mean? Petra is dead."

Levi didn't respond. His eyes flitted around in panic, seeing something Erwin couldn't.

"Oluo! Gunther! Eld!"

Now Erwin was completely bewildered. "Levi, what are you saying? They're all long gone and you know it!"

Levi startled and looked up at him, fear clouding his eyes. No recognition crossed his face; he viewed Erwin as a stranger, a dangerous one.

"Levi! Snap out of it! It's me, Erwin." the commander said as he shook the other's shoulders. "You're tired, or sick, or... something!" He didn't want to consider the other options.

Levi wrenched out of Erwin's grasp and crawled to the wall, panic in his face. He looked over the other's shoulder and his eyes widened.

Erwin glanced over his shoulder. No one was there. But Levi's hands shook as he clenched them. "Isabel? Furlan?"

Those were his comrades from the underground, right? The ones who died in their first expedition.

"I'M SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!" Levi suddenly exclaimed. "Your deaths were my fault! I failed you all, and many more! So please, forgive me for what I've done!"

The captain crumpled to the ground, sobbing. Erwin rushed to catch him before his head hit the ground, but Levi scuttled away. "Don't touch m-me!" he gasped, shaking.

"Levi! Don't you recognize me?"

But his eyes were glassy and unfocused. What happened to turn the usually unmovable Captain Levi into this quivering, hallucinating mess?

Finally, Erwin had to accept it. Levi's insomnia wasn't keeping him awake, he was training all night. Knives and razors weren't magically disappearing, Levi was cutting himself. Levi wasn't busy or tired out, he was skipping meals again.

All he could think to do was cautiously step towards the captain, but even that was too much. Any noise or approach caused a flinch or whimper. It was almost too much, seeing Levi a helpless ball in the corner that he could have helped.

"It's ok, you're safe, no one blames you," Erwin whispered, but they fell on deaf ears. Nothing was calming him down. This was the worst episode yet.

Hange called down the stairs. "What's going on? Who's yelling?"

"Hange! Thank goodness! Come here, I need your help!" Erwin whispered.

The section commander stepped quietly down the stairs, then broke into a run when they saw Levi. They kneeled next to Erwin and gaped. "What happened?"

"I don't know! He came in soaking and collapsed, yelling at our dead comrades to forgive him! And then this happened."

Hange glanced out the door and their face went slack. "Oh. Oh."

"'Oh' what? What is it?"

Hange didn't answer. Instead they slipped out the door and came back in holding a cloak with the wings of freedom emblazoned on the back.

A small patch on the inside of the hood held the name of the owner.

Property of Petra Rall

- Madzzzzie_the_frog ✌︎('ω'✌︎ )