AOT Oneshots

Levi Whump Pt 3 (Final Part)

TW: dissociation, mentions of hallucination and sh

A few days later, Levi wakes to see Hange and Erwin sitting by him, both looking fresh and tidy. Levi feels just the opposite, having been in bed for who knows how long without a change of clothes or a bath.

"Water," is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. This is quickly followed by "What the hell do you guys want?" before he raises the cup Erwin provided to his lips.

The two share a worried look again. Levi really hates when they do that.

"Well..." Hange starts. "We wanted to explain what happened."

"Ok. then get on with it," Levi grumbles. But he really has been wondering about that. He figures he just collapsed during a mission and Erwin overreacted. He'll be back on the line of duty again soon.

Erwin begins. "You came inside in the middle of the night, exhausted and soaked from rain."

"I was just training," Levi says curtly.

"You collapsed at the doorway and started shivering uncontrollably."

"Colder outside than I thought."

"Then you... started calling the names of fallen comrades. Petra. Eld. Oluo. Gunther." he pauses. "Isabel and Furlan."

At the sound of those names, Levi erupts with anger. He lurches forward and grabs Erwin's collar. "How dare you say their names on front of me?! How dare you mention them like you regret anything, when their deaths were your fault, you bastard?"

Erwin holds up his hands in surrender, pursing his lips with hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I was just repeating what you said. But if you-"

Hange lays a hand on the commanders arm to calm him, then picks up the story.

"Basically, you were hallucinating. You kept asking them to- to forgive you. Then you collapsed in a corner and wouldn't let anyone touch you. You were crying really hard. It honestly scared me, Levi."

"H-huh?" Levi stuttered. "Hallucinating?"

Erwin nods.

Levi puts his head in his hands, filled with shame. "Dammit. I thought- I thought I'd grown out of it-"

Hange startles. "This has happened... before?"

Levi hangs his head in shame. "When I lived in the underground. I would have... episodes... where I would see my dead friends. It got better as I got older. I hadn't had a hallucination since a few months after Isabel and Furlan-"

"You were carrying Petra's cloak. Could that have triggered it?" Hange asks.

Levi gasps and clutches his chest as the memory resurfaces. He was walking through the woods after training for hours, holding a pocketknife and contemplating making a few more cuts before he got back to HQ. As he stared down at his hand, bleeding and torn from long hours of training, he spotted a flash of green off to the side.

His head whipped around and he saw a bloody cloak, cast aside and ripped, like the person who had filled it had been devoured. He picked up the stiff cotton and read the tag.

"Levi?" comes a voice from far away. "Levi?"

It's Erwin, looking at him with a concerned expression. Levi's hands are shaking.

He's seeing himself from far away, unable to control it. His body is not his own, he's floating somewhere across the room, watching himself stare at his quivering hands.

Hange's voice sounds out. "Levi. Hey, it's ok. You're ok. I'm here and so is Erwin. You're safe." Slowly he feels himself coming back.

"Sor-" his voice breaks. "Sorry. Im back in my body."

"Huh?" they ask.

"I mean I got upset, so my mind did the thing where I feel like Im out of my body. But I'm fine now."

"What do you mean, 'out of your body'?"

"Like, when you see yourself from far away, and you can't control..." Levi breaks off when he sees the others looking at him strangely. "What?"

"Do you mean dissociation?"

"What?" he repeats.

"When you feel like you're having an out of body experience. And you're seeing yourself in third person. It's  sometimes triggered by stressful events or memories..."

"I don't know what you mean. This has always happened to me. Like when people I care about die. Or I screw up."

Hanges mouth goes wide. "Is that why you make that face when someone passes? Like you're disconnected?"

"I don't know what the hell you mean. That's normal. It's probably why I don't remember what happened yesterday."

"Levi, that's not normal, that's damn mental illness! Why won't you recognize that you aren't ok?!" Erwin cries exasperatedly, clenching his fists.

"No, no, no. I'm not going to do this again. You already helped me, you've done enough. Don't bother yourself."

"Don't you dare! Don't keep brushing me off! I want to help you! Don't you see that?"

Levi rolls his eyes. "Sure."

"Levi, being around you isn't a chore, I want to spend time with you! We both enjoy your company!"

These words hit him hard as genuinely the kindest thing someone has ever said to him. Levi's eyes tear up and he finally gives up fighting them.

Erwin reaches forward and Levi puts his hand on the commanders. "Happy tears," he whispers.