AOT Oneshots

Reiner Angst

TW: Suicidal thoughts/almost attempt, DID/ Dissociation, slight mention of death

Sorry I've been writing so much angst I had just been writing a lot of fluff and some things are going on that I'm projecting into my writing :) more fluff soon!

Bertoldt Hoover is a traitor.

For 5 years, he had been serving as a soldier in Eldia, secretly planning to kill the island devils with his Colossal Titan powers. He had done all of this with his best friend, Reiner.

Over the years, the two had become close to the real Eldians, Reiner more than Bertoldt. The latter had tried his best to stay distant, but Reiner was getting much too attached to the people they were supposed to wipe out. He even developed a crush on the short girl, Historia.

During the first few months as cadets, Reiner seemed fine. He still talked with Bertoldt about their ultamite goal and referred to the others as "devils." However, after they became true Scouts, his mind started to slip.

Bertoldt watched as his best friend was eaten up by guilt, becoming more and more distant every day. He watched as Reiner began taking his guilt out in himself, talking about his self loathing. He watched as he became detached from reality, forgetting who he was and what he was doing.

It came to a peak when, out of nowhere, Reiner told Eren about their powers.

And there it was. The final blow. Everything they had worked for, not just them but dozens of generations of Marleyans, all destroyed in one sentence.

"I'm the Armored Titan and he's the Colossal Titan."

"Hey, Reiner, what're you-"

Bertoldt looked at the other with a shocked expression, horrified by his confession. He looked into Reiner's eyes and saw the blank stare of dissociation. He didn't know who he was. He truly believed he was and Eldian soldier.

That was the first time.

The second Bad Day came when they had kidnapped Eren and were sitting in the woods. Reiner started talking about "when the titans showed up" and "when we get promoted." Bertoldt finally spoke up. "Reiner... we're not soldiers, remember? We're warriors."

Reiners face changed like he was living out everything again. He put his head in his hands. "Right... that's... how it is."

Bertoldt's heart broke.

The worst Bad Day happened right before he set out on what he didn't know would be his last mission. Him and Reiner were going over the plan one last time.

When they finished reviewing the plan, Bertoldt clapped him on the shoulder. "Wish me luck."

Reiner looked up at him, dazed. "Who are you?"

Tears welled in the taller's eyes. "I'm Bertoldt! Your comrade!"

"Oh, yeah." Reiner smiled and Bertoldt almost sighed with relief. "Go kick some titan ass."

The relief disappeared, and to keep himself from
crying, Bertoldt gave a weak smile and left the room.

And that was the last time Reimer ever saw Bertoldt.

•        •        •

Many years later, Reiner sat in Marley with a gun to his mouth. One pull of the trigger and it's over.

Suddenly, he thinks of Bertoldt, who he didn't know was dead until he saw Armin transform. Don't fail him like you did last time.

A thump on the wall startled him, and he drops the gun.

Not today.

A wave of guilt hits him, and he puts his head in his hands as reality fades.

He sits up again a few minutes later and looks around in confusion.

"Eren? Historia? Jean?"

No one answers.

"Bertoldt?"

Reality hits him like a train, and suddenly the gun doesn't seem so bad.

- Madzzzzie_the_frog ✌︎('ω'✌︎ )