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Stupid Mental Health
Y/N L/N's was... well that was the problem she didn't really know what she was, or what her purpose was. Recently the realisation that seemingly everyone else her age knew what they were doing was freighting. People she went to school with were graduating Uni, having babies, getting engaged even buying houses. The overwhelming thought of being left in the dust by her peers was terrifying. The y/h/c young woman felt lost and confused. It wasn't fair that everyone else seemed to have this adulting thing all figured out. They were going places and doing amazing things. The biggest thing she'd done in the past 3 years was moving to London for Harry. She'd had anxiety about that at the time, the idea of leaving her home town to go and live somewhere where she didn't really know anyone. The people she did know she only knew because of Harry. Even though Harry could be nervous and awkward at times out of the two of them he was always the one taking the lead. He's the one who'd consoled her over the phone, reassuring her that she wasn't making a mistake as she packed up her childhood room to join him in the city. He was the one who held her when the homesickness came and tried to drown her in regret. Even Harry knew what he wanted, he was confident in his job, he was good at it. But Y/N hadn't found that yet. The y/h/c girl still didn't know what she really wanted to do with her life, the idea of tying herself down to one career path made her feel sick. What if she did it wrong, or hated it. Was she even good at anything? The limbo feeling could be so isolating and the thought of letting people down was immense.
For example she envied Harry's job as a YouTuber, and the thought of starting her own channel were met with overpowering negative thoughts. What would she even do? Would people even want to listen to her voice.... Would people think she was just using Harry. The comments on the videos she had been in had always been positive, people encouraging her to make her own channel because of her infectious positive energy. But what if they were just lying to her, trying to seem nice because they knew Harry liked her. No Harry loved her.
"What's up Princess." Harry asked happily, sluggishly pounding into the room having just managed to escape a conversation with Cal in the Kitchen. It wasn't that Harry hated his roommate, just why spend 15 minutes talking to Freezy about a cooking video when the dirty blonde haired man had an amazing hug giving girlfriend upstairs. "You good?" Harry asked in concern, noticing Y/N's weak smile as a response to his entrance. "Just stuff going on up here" Y/N laughed half-heartedly, gently tapping at her forehead, her eyebrows still furrowed slightly. "Like what?" The male asked, tilting his head in confusion as he wandered over to their shared bed occasionally dodging a sock or shoe he'd failed to put away.
"Honestly?" Y/N asked aloud, already sensing the look her boyfriend sent her way. It was a look that would only read as obviously. The couple had agreed to always be honest with each other, whether it was painful or not. Nibbling her lip Y/N sighed wondering where on earth to even start. It'd be easier to just be able to put Harry in her mind so he could see the utter mess her thoughts were but alas that was not possible. "I'm sick and tired of not having a meaning. I'm... I'm just nothing. A smudge on a page Harry. I don't do anything meaningful or useful. I don't even know if I like my job or I just do it because I'm okay at it. I can't quit because.... What would I do then?" Y/N paused, taking a deep breath, her offload had surprised both of them. "Well first of all. You are meaningful. You mean a lot to me." Harry started enveloping the girl in a cuddle. His large hand stroked her hair soothingly. "Secondly, if you're not happy in your job, leave. We'll deal with it huh. There's no point doing something that doesn't make you happy is there?"
"What would I do instead huh? I'm not qualified for anything. God I'm just nothing. Why do I find it so hard? Everyone else makes it look so easy." Y/N scoffed, mentally lecturing herself for not being good enough, for not having a calling in life. She felt like a kid trying to pass herself off as an adult. Like it was a game only this game had consequences.... Real life consequences. "Don't worry about anyone else Y/N/N ok?! What would you like to do huh there's no point trying to please anyone else. It's your life and I want you to be happy." the man replied calmly. "I like your job Haz... I like helping you shoot your videos and stuff but who would want to watch me ey?" Y/N exclaimed sadly, Harry noticed the way her eyes lit up at the mention of YouTube. Y/N had helped his shoots, even appeared in quite a few videos, and had some cameos on the Sidemen channel. Harry tried not to read the comment section on videos, He knew first hand how horrible some of the comments can be but when it came to videos Y/N had been in he couldn't help himself. It hurt him to see his girlfriend talk herself out of things, the negative thoughts she had often holding her back. Sighing Harry fell back against the headboard dragging Y/N with him who squealed aloud in surprise. "You know what I think? You should do it! Do YouTube. You won't know until you try and I can help you. I don't mind." Shuffling down the bed slightly to get more comfortable Harry hummed. "Yeah I think you'd be great at it actually."
"Really? You think so?" Y/N mumbled hesitantly, focusing on the man's comfy t-shirt, the now off white sidemen fabric now held the distinct smell of home, a combination of Harry's aftershave and the fabric conditioner that the guernsey native had originally hated. Harry wrinkling his nose and moodily claiming it made him smell like a girl. Somehow months later he'd complain if they were running low, almost like he would lose the scent he associated with Y/N and vice versa. Harry would never admit it but on the nights the y/h/c girl went back home and he was unable to join her he'd turn into a soppy teenage girl snuggling into her side of their shared bed. For years Harry thought he'd experienced love and that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, he often rolled his eyes at people describing this supposed intoxicating and passionate emotion. Until her.
"I know so, trust me you could do anything Baby." Harry reassured an enthusiastic giddy smile settling on his tired features.
"Thank you Harry... I needed that." Y/N admitted, the anxiety she'd felt overwhelmed by, now replaced with her usual charismatic and sunny disposition. Placing a kiss just below the YouTuber ear, it being the only piece of skin accessible in her comfortable position. She giggled slightly at the ghost-like mark left by her Mango chapstick, the soft blue accented light making the mark visible to her y/e/c orbs. "Don't need to thank me silly." Harry mumbled against the younger girls y/h/c locks stifling a yawn. "It's my job. Boyfriend/personal hype man." Harry teased his eyelids fluttering closed, the YouTuber's sleep schedule wasn't very organised but in the soft lighting, warm disrupted bedsheets, Y/N's calming presence he could sleep for a thousand years. "You know what your other job is?" Y/N asked teasingly, noticing the man's frame relaxing as he slowly succumbed to sleep. "Hm no what's that?" Harry asked slowly, aware of his girlfriend's slightly fidgeting body but not paying any mind. "Paying for some Domino's to fix my Mental Health..." Y/N whispered pleadingly in Harry's ear, her y/h/c strands tickling Harry's neck slightly as she adjusted herself.
Opening one of his eyes slowly Harry frowned as he saw the pout on the girl's face. He hated that Y/N knew he could never say no to her. In fact the guernsey native was sure the y/h girl enjoyed seeing his inner turmoil, would this be the day he'd finally say no? "You want pizza to fix your stupid mental health?" Harry quizzed the girl quietly, the frown he bore now a gentle smile. "Yep. For the very low low price of a pizza you could make me happy." Y/N nodded animatedly, the odd dance moves she was throwing making the bed shake slightly. "I mean.... If it will make you happy?" Harry muttered, wrapping a hand around the girl's wrist and pulling her down to join him again. "Just don't tell Cal... Bastard still hasn't paid me back from last time."
