Choti Si Duniya - ArShi FF

41. The grief - part 2

Flashback continued – October 2014

Khushi was discharged from the hospital the next day, after the doctor had monitored her health overnight and given a green signal for her discharge. He also gave them instructions especially about Khushi's health in coming days and then suggested them to avoid getting pregnant for at least 3 months. He of course did not miss that the couple in front of him was hardly in a state to register his words. They were still trying to get in terms with what just happened within a span of 10 days! He could only feel sorry for their loss.

For the first 2 days post the incident, Arnav and Khushi didn't speak a word to each other.  They were together alright, in the same room, the same house but not there with their hearts! They were with each other, no doubt, but only physically. Arnav was taking care of her meal timings, her medicine timings and so on while she too didn't throw any tantrums to take medicines this time but this was being done mutely.

If at all, their conversations were reduced to monosyllables or bare minimum sentences.

Arnav had completely shut himself from the outer world, even from Khushi. He was cursing himself for their loss, he was guilty of making her cry that night, for not being able to maturely handle their pregnancy news, for not being able to take it with tenderness that she needed, that their baby needed. If he did that, then probably they would still have their baby with them..and this guilt made him go into a shell, most comfortable thing to do in case of such difficulties!

He had seen her cry and seen Nani, Mami, her amma and buaji console her, had seen her jiji try to cheer her up. It was like she was everyone's priority, and rightfully so. But amidst all this, it was him who would stand afar and didn't know what to do. He wanted to console her too but words were never his forte. And then, there was this other thing that this was his loss as well... just that he didn't go through it physically like she did.

He wanted to tell her that he was really ready to welcome their baby. He was really ready to bear with all tantrums she would throw as she carried his child in the safety of her womb, he really was excited to pamper the mother of his child as well as the child...And then when she brings the baby and he will hold it, he was going to announce to the whole world that he was a proud dad!

But there was no child now. 

For a brief moment in between, he also got angry at her, for not taking care of their baby. If only she wasn't being so careless about her health then maybe their baby would have been here....

--*--

Khushi had been an emotional mess. She was having so many thoughts, so many what-ifs, so many regrets but she didn't know how to verbalize them. For the first time ever, the ever-talkative khushi had gone silent. 

For whole 3 days, she had seen everyone do their bit to make her feel better, Nani and mami had shared innumerable anecdotes of women they knew of who had similar stories, who had miscarried in their first trimester for so many medical reasons while her amma and buaji were telling stories of her own childhood to cheer her up. Her jiji used to chat with her every evening about most mundane things to bring out the old, cheerful Khushi.

Probably for the first time ever, Khushi was everyone's first priority, everyone's center of attention and concern. Even Anjali had been trying to motivate her to move on from the pain...

It was however her husband, her Arnavji that she was missing. No, not physically because he was there with her every second in these 3 days, he was taking care of her, but silently. He worked round the clock ensuring that she was having her food and meds on time, that she was taking rest, that if she woke in between at night he would caress her head so she went back to sleep. It was his heart that was not with her. He had shunned her and she desperately wanted her access back.