Dear Fucking Diary

a/n

edit 23/10/24: this book is from 2022ish so please don't judge me 😭

i wasn't planning this

i really just couldn't bring myself to write the other pretty list book, so i did the good thing and instead of forcing myself i took a break and wrote this instead.

the updates will be when they are canonically, kind of,  one per day if i remember since they're short. john doesn't write on weekends normally too  (so i can take a break)

they'll also be updated as john writes them kind of, so if there's two entries that day it's two updates.

if i forget just like spam my message board or smth cause they liek need to be on certain days lmao

i like this book, it was a nice break from my FOURTY TWO THOUSAND WORD BOOK FOR THE PRETTY LIST TRILOGY, THAT ISNT EVEN HALFWAY YET AND IT ABSOLUTELY DESTROYING ME. ITS KILLING ME, REALLY.

again, i am so, so, so sorry for it not being a pretty list book. i really am, i'm so sorry. i just couldn't. and you guys deserve something. it feels like you're all my children and i love every single one of you and i promise i'm trying.

hopefully as this is being published, i get the motivation to write again. any encouraging words or support is really appreciated :)

i promise you, i'm working on it

i love this book

trigger warning for (in depth descriptions of): homophobia, bullying, injury detail, mental health type shit (anxiety, anger issues, loss of control etc), emotionally distressing scenes, suicide, uncensored use of slurs, violence, sexual assault, self harm, eating disorders, blood/gore, a whole lot of cursing, teen angst, and generally some dark themes with a protagonist who is so done with everything

this book also contains sexual content, so if you are some asshole who doesn't understand that teens are horny, and exploring your sexuality is kinda a big thing, and that things such as masturbation and watching porn is normal, then get the fuck out of my book, no cringing allowed xoxo

cover credits go to me 😱😱😱

ik its like so good as well

here's the cover

(edit.... still not bad (he has had a glow up))

also usual disclaimer, especially as this book as an unreliable narrator (smth to think abt), the characters views, words and actions don't necessarily reflect my own, these aren't necessarily my own views 👍

i also take some creative liberties but yk what maybe this is a world where it happens. who knows. i don't.

anyway, with that being said

HERES THE BOOK

love you all homos and homies, and enjoy! :D

(btw i really like this so after i've uploaded it all then like it'll be uploaded as a separate story on my other acc so ignore that cause it's just name changes okie bye)

(ps if u like this go watch my mad fat diary)

!VERY IMPORTANT NOTE RIGHT HERE!

I just found out that America doesn't really use music grades??? like the ABRSM ones??? that seems completely archaic to me and I have no way of conveying talent or status or progress in the music world other than using that so I used the music grades anyway, so I will take time to explain them in minimal detail to anyone who doesn't know what they are. If you do just skip this part and read the book lol :)

Mkay so the music grades range from 1 to 8, 1 being as cute baby musician and 8 being the highest you can get. For every exam you get a pack and you learn 2 pieces and a study, scales, arpeggios, sight reading and some things for aural tests. You practise, do the exam for an examiner (you have to know the scales and arpeggios by heart it kills me). Grade 5 is kind of like the turning point towards skilled professional, and to do any higher you have to take a music theory test, or use the jazz loop hole and do jazz grade 5 but we're not even gonna talk abt it cause I tried that and it made my skin crawl. (There's also a  new thing where you just do 4 pieces but that's irrelevant.)

Passing terms you get a fail, pass, merit and distinction. A merits like a fuck yeah well done, a distinction is perfect or close to.

You can tell how good/how far in a musician is from their grade eg I'm doing grade 5 clarinet, my brothers doing 1, I have  a friend on grade 6 trombone, and a friend on grade 7 piano and a friend on grade 4 clarinet.

Hope this helps if u have questions ask, or look at the wiki page or they have a website.