Dearest,
6th day of suspension. Including this one, that's two more.
Then I can have a life back.
God I'm gonna have missed so much work. Bet you anything they'll make me catch up.
Bet you all the money to my name I yell at my science teacher, or at least call him a cunt. Flip him off maybe.
He's such a weird ass pedo.
I should get him fired. I don't know how to do that.
I spent like all day messaging Peggy and James in class. From what I gather they all miss me.
It's nice to feel missed.
I thought it I killed myself no one would miss me. At least 3 people would miss me now.
That's nice.
Reassuring thought.
I don't want to kill myself anymore.
God do you know how scary that sentence is? I haven't had a single suicidal thought in months. I didn't even notice it was gone.
I mean I probably couldn't try to kill myself again, cause I chickened out of the last one.
But the thoughts never left.
The urges did.
But the thoughts didn't.
I thought I'd be better swinging from a rope.
But, I don't wanna die. I wanna live my life.
But my mental illness hates me so odds are I won't. But still.
It's the thought that counts.
But anyway, 2 days of being bored as hell. That's it.
Then I'm back. Do I want to be back?
It's a hell hole.
But it's actually so boring to not be at school.
I fell like I'm melting o to my mattress.
I've decided I'm 50/50 on the matter.
Thomas probably won't be there when I get back so that's fine.
Lafayette and Hercules are almost useless without him. So I'm okay for now.
I'll be okay.
Maybe.
God this is exhausting. I either need to sleep for like 3 days, or see seem of my friends properly.
My eyes hurt.
It's cold.
I'm just full of complaints today, aren't I?
Sorry my entries are getting shorter. Not much to write about when you're in suspension.
Always,
Forever,
Johnathan xoxo
