Dearest,
God I hate myself.
No I don't.
Do I?
Maybe I'm just tired and lonely.
Why do I feel so bad all of a sudden? I was fine yesterday. Nothing was went bad either.
I just feel like shit.
I wish I could get cuddles from Alex.
But it would be clingy to call him up and ask right? Or at least text.
Never mind my brain just told me to slit my wrists I'm texting him.
Ok I texted him.
I said "Baby r u available for cuddles?
Ik it's out of the blue but uh, plz?"
I didn't know how to end that last bit so I sounded a bit bitchy. God fuck. Anyway, no point bothering over it.
I find it stupid sometimes that my best friend is a diary. I wish you could reply sometimes.
Write something back like Tom Riddle.
Pointless hoping, magic doesn't exist.
Anyway.
I managed to find those doll heads I was talking about yesterday. They're really creepy. I had to shove them back in my cupboard because I cant sleep with them around.
I should make them look creepier and splatter fake blood on them or something.
Oh I know, I'll hang them by their hair from the top of his locker. That'll be funny, right?
Yeah.
Unfortunately Alex isn't a part of this plan and we decided we can't tell anyone cause technically it's vandalism, so Alex is out of the loop.
But we were talking about it a lot today. It's better to stay behind and do it after school. It's going to take ages.
Real art project this.
It's gonna look like it's been really fucked with.
Plus we're going to superglue everything on so it stays.
Do you think mixing super glue and paint will work?
We're gonna try it at least. But we're buying new paints, I'm not ruining my spray paints.
I wonder if this is all worthy it?
Maybe I'm pointlessly cringe and this is pathetic, but it's fun trying, no?
You gotta give everything a go, right?
Which is why I tried to kill myself.
Sorry, that was a tasteless joke.
Actually I'm not sorry, it was my suicide attempt so I can make jokes about it because I said so.
To be honest I don't really care if someone does.
Ok scratch that.
I wouldn't care if my friends did because Thomas did something really shitty today so fuck him. Yeah.
I'm badass.
I am the most cringe person to ever walk this earth.
Anyway about what Thomas did.
So I was in the bathroom, taking a piss like any regular person, and I went out of the stall and to go wash my hands when he walked in.
You know, in the end he didn't even need to use the bathroom, so he was definitely following me.
Stupid fuck.
He didn't even come in alone, he had the gang with him. Technically they're a trio now.
Suck on that bitches.
But anyway he came up and said "So, John, I saw you working in the art room" (the bitch doesn't even take art) "and I admire your stuff. Very... bold." He said the word bold like he meant shit.
The others nodded in agreement.
"But, unfortunately I don't think the guys here like that very much. And uh, we were just talking," He looked around at his trio. "About how many artists are really only truly appreciated posthumously."
At this point Lafayette had this sick grin on his face that made me want to run into a stall and hurl my guts out.
"You know," He continued in this stupid 'butter-wouldn't-melt' voice, "Van Gogh, Pissarro, Basquiat, and then your name came up, and we uh all thought that it might be a good idea if you um, killed yourself." He flashed me a fake innocent smile that made my teeth rot in my mouth, and shrugged. "Think about it."
I felt disgusted, so disgusted that I couldn't even say anything back.
I just pushed past them and left.
They just Shes All That me!
There's no way they've seen that movie so it just means that he's a bitch.
I hate him.
I hate it all.
Goodnight now,
John :D
