Dearest,
I don't remember what happened last night but I woke up in Alex's bed with the worst headache ever.
"Jesus Christ." I mumble, but every word hurts.
"Good morning alcoholic."
"Shut up." I hide my head under his pillow.
"You shouldn't have drunk so much."
"It tasted so good."
"Murdering people also feels good, but you don't do that every day."
I pull my head out from under the pillow. "How do you know?"
"I've heard."
"Mhm. You're a murderer." I poke him in the chest.
"And you're an alcoholic." He laughs, sweeping me up in his arms, so that we're half cuddling, him on top of me.
"I only drank once, that doesn't make me an alcoholic."
"I only killed once, but I'm a murderer." He grins, kissing me.
My head is pounding but I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around him.
But I'm way too hungover to make out and I pull away. "Have you got painkillers?"
"Duh." He says, rummaging in his bedside table.
He passes me some pills and I dry swallow them out of spite. "I want a nap."
"You just slept for 12 hours."
"Okay and?" I prop myself up on my elbow. "You've dated before right?"
"Yeah why?"
"Well... how was it?" I laugh at my own awkwardness.
"Shit." He scowls and I got scared I made a mistake. "You're much better."
"I'm much better?" I laugh, lying down again. "Wow, he must have really sucked."
"Aw cmon." Alex leans, and comes into my line of vision. "You're not a bad boyfriend."
"I am deeply mentally ill and it affects everyone around me."
"Yeah but you don't gaslight me and cheat on me."
"What about the others?" I ask, knowing for sure he's had other boyfriends. I am not his second.
"Meh." He shrugs. "None of them wanted to commit. I like serious relationships."
"So they just wanted sex?"
"Pretty much."
I stare at him, hoping he reads between the lines.
He raises an eyebrow. "Yes I've had sex before."
"Wow you just gave them sex so easily? You're such a slut." I tease him.
"Oh really." He leans dangerously close to my face. "Im holding back. I could have fucked you already."
I gulped. That really turned me on for some reason. "Why haven't you?"
"You're not ready."
"How do you know?" I scowl.
"Okay so if I told you were going to have sex right now, this is it, you're losing your virginity right now would you be ready?"
My heart started thumping in my chest. Right now? I mean of course I want to get fucked but right now? I haven't prepared myself. Oh god this can't be now.
"See," He smiles at me. "You're not ready my love." Leaning down, he kisses me briefly. "I don't mind waiting. Besides, it's not like I'm completely sexually starved."
I thought he meant he was cheating on me for a second, but I blushed and looked away when I realised. "Oh."
"You're so innocent."
I properly burst out laughing at this, sitting up. "Innocent? Me? Oh god no."
He should see my collection of dildos. I don't think that's very innocent.
I wonder what kind of things he meant when he said sexually starved. I know toys for bottoms such as myself are like dildos, things that go up your ass. But what's for tops?
A fleshlight?
Oh fuck dearest, I think the thought of Alex fucking a fleshlight gave me a boner. I might have to take a break from writing.
One sec.
Okay fuck post nut clarity, that was an embarrassing jerk off.
I always thought I was ready to lose my virginity but maybe not.
I feel bad for keeping him waiting but you know.
I'll be ready one day.
Best wishes,
jackie <33
