Dearest,
I'm sorry for trying.
Im not happy. Even if I fake it.
I cant see any hope right now. I feel too sad to even off myself. Too numb.
People started to notice, like my dad, Peggy, James, Alex but I just said I was fine.
It sounds pathetic though. Do I even deserve to hurt?
It sounds so pathetic to hurt now. I don't know why but it feels so dumb, so whiney to just admit that I'm struggling again.
What's happened for me to struggle again?
Nothing.
Nothings happened.
It feels weird.
Useless.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I think it's getting worse again. It's all getting worse. Everything that can get worse is getting worse.
My life just feels like I'm living the same day over and over again.
Nothing changes.
There's no feeling.
I seem to just be getting worse at feeling.
I spent time with Alex today. Just out on the field at school.
We didn't talk about my feelings but I still felt better than I did. We just sat and he held me.
We kissed a few times. I missed kissing him.
In never want to leave him. He's the best thing I've ever had come into my life, it would hurt so bad to see him leave.
Im glad he's mine.
