seems like it's about time i should tell you that john is a repressed punk
Dearest,
I wonder how big Alex's dick is.
I know it's weird, but he gives off such massive big dick energy. I'm not sure I can truly convey it into words.
And no, it's not just me being a horny motherfucker and wanting to get dicked down.
He genuinely has big dick energy.
Even Peggy says so. And she's a lesbian.
So it's not just the horny.
Look, I know sex is a thing that people have. But just what the fuck? Like? How?
Sexual attraction confuses me. Cause I look at someone and suddenly my brains like "Fuck. Now."
Do I think about sex too much?
Like, I know I'm horny cause I'm a teenage boy, but is it too much?
Am I a creep for thinking about sex so much?
I'm curious I suppose, that's normal, but I feel like a creep sometimes.
Like am I a freak for being so focused on sex?
I cant change my brain or the hormones so I cant stop it, and it just makes me bad because I know no one else is gonna think about it as much as I do.
It makes me feel worse every single time.
I feel so shitty about myself.
I really am fucked up aren't I dearest?
Anyway the weirdest fucking thing happened today, so I'll stop being sad.
Genuinely you might scream, cry, sob, shit your pants or at least gasp.
Even though you're a diary.
It was morning before school and I was debating whether I had time go eat an actual breakfast and if I could be bothered, and my dad said something which I'm pretty sure rattled my very bones.
"So Jackie, when are you going to get a..." He paused, as if the next word was going to be painful to say. "boyfriend?"
I stopped what I was doing and just turned and stared. "Huh?"
"Well, there's no point asking if you have a girlfriend anymore..." He says the words slowly, as if he's cautious, or just thinking them all through first. "When I was your age I had already met your mom."
"I have a boyfriend Dad." I said causally, but he freezes, Martha drops her spoon in her bowl and stares, James gasps and Henry just said "Huh?"
"What, is it so unbelievable I have a boyfriend?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Yes." Martha answers without skipping a beat, Henry and James both say "Yeah" a second after each other and my dad just nods.
"Oh cmon guys." I sigh, finally deciding and grabbing an apple.
"There's no way you have a boyfriend." Martha snorts.
"There is too." I glare at her.
"You do not have a boyfriend." Henry rolls his eyes.
"Why do none of you believe me? I do have a boyfriend." I protested.
"John, you ain't pulling anything, you need more ass first." Martha mutters under her breath.
I snort with laughter, turning me away to stop me actually laughing and encouraging her, while my dad goes "Martha!"
"Just saying." She shrugs.
"Well I have a boyfriend and he's real so, mmm yeah!" I waved my hand in her face before turning to go put my shoes on since my dad promised to take the younger ones to school.
"How long?" He asked.
"Eh, two weeks? I'm not really counting."
"You should, I gave your mom roses on our 10 day anniversary and I got laid that night." He grins.
"...Ew." I said, though I had a smile on my face. And then I left for school.
There were no homophobic comments made.
My mind had been exploded.
My dad really is trying.
Anyway I'm tired.
Goodnight,
Jonny xo
