i keep accidentally making him pretty
Dearest,
I'm tired.
Emotionally.
Tired in my bones.
Sometimes my music taste makes me sad.
You know that thing couples do where they have one earbud in each and seem to be listening to romantic music together and shit? Well you cant exactly do that when you like heavy metal and rock.
No one but me is going to relax to Metallica.
But people should because oh my god they're so good. I have like 50 shirts but I don't wear them to school because people will probably make fun of me.
Fuck it I should wear one tomorrow.
I wonder if Alex would like my music taste.
Maybe he would enjoy the same music I do.
I wish I played a cool instrument, not like the cello. I mean, I still play metal music on the cello, it would just sound cooler on the guitar or something.
I mean, would music would you expect a freak to like?
Alex probably likes indie or pop or something.
Ok I'm starting to sound gatekeepy.
Like, there's nothing wrong with that, but why is it so hard to find someone who likes my music too? Like everyone likes K-Pop or whatever that shit is that plays on the radio.
Only old dads people online share my music taste.
And metalheads.
They're cool.
I wish I was cool.
But if you show a little bit of individuality on my school, you're gonna get bullied. So everyone has to be basic.
I wish I wasn't basic.
I hate my body too much to wear cool clothes. It's too hard.
Ha penis joke.
Yes I made a penis joke by saying ha penis joke, keep up I'm lazy.
Am I a bad person or do I just like obscure things?
That's something to think about.
But today we did that prank of Jeffershit and to be honest it turned out pretty good. We stayed after school, and did the whole thing.
I'm pretty proud. Maybe that should be my art project.
I haven't touched my art project by the way. I cant bring myself to yet.
Maybe the whole prank is cringe, but I think it looks so good. I took pictures.
I'll sketch it for you on the next page if you want.
Yes you do want.
You're a diary.
I have to make these decisions for you.
Maybe it won't creep him out like we planned. Who knows.
All I know is it was fun and I'm glad I did it.
I'm so tired.
Why am I so tired?
Maybe life's just boring.
Maybe I'm boring?
Love ya dearest,
Jackie :-)
