Tough Love (Book 2)

7. Not the same

~Nolwazi Mpumelelo~

I let out a deep sigh as I finished with my assignment. I clicked send to hand it in. I took a deep breath which worsened my chest pain. I grabbed my bottle of water and drank some to try and ease it. I was really tired. I spent the whole of yesterday, the whole of last night and the whole of today busy on that shit.

I think I might've overdosed on the smart pill though. I felt really weak, my chest was aching and my vision kept going on and off. All of which I never usually experience when I take the pill.

I got up shakily, my limbs feeling weak. I slowly made my way to the kitchen bumping into things. I thought if I ate something I'd feel better. Having medication on an empty stomach is often said to be dangerous. So i thought i should eat.

After forcing myself to eat without an appetite, I didn't feel any better. I then decided to take a nap on the couch. I was asleep for a short while before being awakened by Trixy licking my hand.

"Trixy... what's up? Hm?" I yawned sitting up.

Only then I became aware of the knocking on the door.

"Who's there?"

"Melusi."

I took a moment to process the name.

It was the kid that sometimes took dogs for a walk to earn cash.

"One moment." I got up and asked, "Trixy, where's your leash?"

I searched the whole house but could find it. I then looked at Trixy who was by the door to the balcony. She let out a bark. I looked out the window to see the leash hanging by almost a thread over the balcony.

I quickly went to get it. I put the leash on Trixy and opened the door.

"Hi Nolwazi," the boy greeted.

"Hi... Here she is," I smiled.

"Thank you. Be back in an hour."

I closed the door with a sigh. I was still feeling exhausted and I had a headache from hell. I needed some relief. I went to the kitchen and searched the cupboard for the pack of weed so I could roll a blunt. After a while of no luck I broke down.

If I couldn't find it, that means I ran out. If I ran out, it means I'm screwed. How the hell would I cope? Cope with side effects of my little overdose? Cope with my mental demons? How? What will I do now? Could I drink?

But alcohol will mess me up even more, it doesn't give me the type of relief I need right now. It'll only make things worse at this rate. Maybe i should drink a sleeping pill and just sleep through this. Would that be a good idea?

Maybe i could find another relaxant. Mandrax was the best there is but I can't have that anymore. If I do it won't be long before they find out. Plus I've been sober for a really long time, I don't wanna throw away all my hard work.

Now what?

Maybe if I just sit and do nothing I'll feel better.

I sat on the couch and switched on the tv. I tuned my favourite show and sat watching for a while. Eventually I got miserable and stopped watching. I was disappointed. The relief I was looking for wasn't present in the tv.

I ended up thinking really far. Thinking of how much of a failure I am. You know, thinking of every failed test from primary school. Thinking of every day I bunked in high school. Thinking of how i almost dropped out of varsity.

If I'm being honest with myself, I did. I dropped out for a while, spending that money on partying, drinking and getting high. Who knew you could spend a whole 7K on just that every month. I guess if you go to the right places it's easy. And then middle of the month I'll complain about being broke to Zee.