Tough Love (Book 2)

31. Dead Man

~Leon Kelly~

"Get tested," Sherri insisted.

I nodded. She left. I pushed the door closed. I turned the wheelchair and went to the master bedroom. Zee sat on the bed, her hands together, her chin rested on her thumbs between the rest of her intertwined fingers, tears streamed freely down her face.

It was my fault. We were already on a rocky surface in terms of our relationship, this was the last thing we needed. I mean I believe in love. I believe love can find a way to conquer all that stands in its path but this... I don't think love has had to face something like this. This was going to break us.

I didn't know what to tell her. What to do. I didn't know how to approach her or even when to approach her. Would she like a hug? Does she want to be left alone? When does she want to get tested? Does she think it's my fault? Does she hate me? So many questions I had, but not enough answers.

I looked down at my hands trying to think of what to say. I didn't want to cause her any anger but I wanted her to say something, do something. Slap me. Yell at me. I don't care. This silence was killing me. And I hated it when she cried. I guess the first thing I could do was apologize.

So I took a deep breath to gather my courage before I spoke. "Zee?" She didn't do anything. Nor did she say anything. But I knew she was listening. "I'm sorry."

She let out a deep sigh then wiped her tears with her hands before she wiped her hands on her jeans. She took another deep shaky breath. "I..." She took another deep breath. She closed her eyes and sighed, "Yoh... Nkosi yami..."

Her actions made me feel worse.

She got up and looked at me. I had to avoid eye contact. If I had to look into her eyes I was sure to break down.

"I'm not going to blame you..." she blurted out. She let out a breath before she went on, "I need to process this."

I looked up at her. She was trying to wipe tears again. I could feel my insides crumbling, my eyes began to sting with tears.

"Let me help you into bed."

Everyday she helped me get changed into nightwear and then she tucked me into bed. This process would last a maximum of fifteen minutes. Tonight, this process took longer and it was harder for us both. Tonight, this process took place in silence.

When she helped me into bed and put my wheelchair by my bedside, she didn't even tuck me in like she usually does. I was glad she didn't. She turned on the beside lamp and turned off the main lights. She left the room closing the door behind her.

I let out a deep sigh and felt as the tears were let loose.

I didn't care if I was going to be diagnosed with HIV, I just didn't want to give that to Zee. I really don't care what happens to me but if something had to happen to Zee because of me... I'll shoot myself.

Why did I have to sleep with her? Had I not slept with Sherri I wouldn't be here to begin with. We would've probably been back together, engaged. Not like this. And had I not slept with Zee on her birthday even when I knew we didn't have protection, she wouldn't be in this situation. I felt like stabbing myself in the leg as punishment.

I just pray, when we go get tested, at least one of us or both of us, test negative.

I woke up the next morning and sat up. I looked over at my bedside and saw a note. I reached for it and grabbed it.

I've made breakfast. I left it in the kitchen. I'll order lunch and dinner for you. I'll be at my dad's house for the day. I need some time alone. Call me if you need me.