Tough Love (Book 2)

27. Lots to think about

~Zinhle Mpumelelo~

"So... you're helping Ryan out?"

Karla nodded. "Sure we're divorced and all... but he's still the father of my children. He was once my husband."

"Do you still love him?" I enquired.

She looked at me then sighed, "I don't know. But if I told you I hate him... that would be a lie. I still care. I still feel my heart ache when he's not ok. And I still smile a little when he touches me or when he says something sweet.

"It's confusing cause he hurts me, a lot. Yet each and every time he does... I forgive him. I let it go like it never happened. No matter how many times I leave, I go back, in hopes that one day, he'll tell me he loves me again. No matter how many times he hit me, I stayed, hoping one day, he'd bless me with his gentle touch.

"Well... I guess that is love. Going back despite the hardship, the hurt... going back, hoping for slight happiness. Slight joy. Slight peace. Going back for those rare moments. Going back for the occasional hugs and kisses... I guess my answer is yes. I am still in love with Ryan."

"I don't get it though... how can you be in love with.... him. That guy. He hurt you like hell. He sometimes said out loud how much he doesn't care about you. How is it still possible to love such a person?" I enquired.

"Do you still love Leon?"

I avoided eye contact and folded a pamphlet. "That's different," I mumbled.

"Mmm hmm. Tell me, how?"

"Well... Leon does his best to be honest and to communicate with me. He's never touched me inappropriately-"

"What about that day he got jealous and threw you over his shoulder?"

"That doesn't count as violence! He just picked me up!"

"If you say so."

"In fact... Leon was loyal. He was mine and mine alone."

"Then explain him sleeping with that woman." I went silent. That reminder still hurt like hell. I didn't like it one bit. "How do you love a man who did that to you?" Karla asked.

"I don't know," I looked at her, "I just do."

We sat in silence for a while. I thought about what she said. What I said. I realised Karla and I were in similar situations. We both loved men who hurt us. We both were holding on to a love that didn't have much hope.

Her situation was more extreme than mine but... we shared similar thoughts. Similar feelings. We could really help each other out. Support each other and hope for the best.

"You know," she began, "Ryan's not all that bad. He's just been through a lot."

"And Leon is not that great too... he's got a couple of flaws that need to be worked on," I added.

"Do you think everything is going alright next door?"

I looked at Karla, "I don't know. Leon's really angry."

"Ryan's really hurt. He's fragile at the moment and I don't think he can handle Leon's temper."

"Leon said he'd try but he's got too much of a short temper. He's hot headed. He's stubborn. He doesn't believe in sudden drastic changes."

"Ryan has drastically changed. I don't know if it's for better or for worse but his self confidence... gone. He's suddenly being honest. So I doubt it's going well in there."

Just then we heard a door open. We looked up to see Ryan rush past. We then looked at each other. A moment later we saw him rush past again in the opposite direction.