Tough Love (Book 2)

37. Approaching Tsunami

~Nolwazi Mpumelelo~

I looked at the picture again. I stared at it for a good 30 seconds. Then I zoomed in on Ryan's face. I analysed every one of his features. His eyes, his brows, his cheeks and smile, I checked all of it for any sign of unhappiness. Any sign of unfulfilment. Anything that would tell me this marriage wouldn't work again.

I zoomed out. Moved onto the next picture on Karla's story.

They stood gazing into each other's eyes. I zoomed in on Ryan. I looked at his eyes, his smile and his expression as a whole. He looked like he was genuinely happy. He looked like he was in love. I zoomed out and analysed how he held her close to him. Like he was never going to let her go. I analysed Karla, she had tears in her eyes. Like she finally saw her dream come true.

I dropped my phone on the bed and sniffed wiping the tears that had stained my cheek. The only man who could ever fully satisfy me is married. Taken. Snatched from me. Now I'll forever be hungry but never be filled. I can eat and eat but I'll never be satisfied. I guess all I can do now is try and find comfort for this emptiness.

I picked up the needle I already filled and tapped it for air bubbles. I looked at my forearm and looked for a vein. Just as I thought I saw one, my vision went blurry as tears filled my eyes to the brim. I blinked the tears away and held the pain in my chest. Despite the ache, I held it in.

I looked at my forearm again. As I brought the needle to my skin I thought of everything. I let out a breath as it entered my skin. As I pressed, I let the tears come. Just then someone walked in.

"Babe? You in here? I just-"

Suddenly the needle was snatched from me. "No!!!" I screamed jumping onto my feet.

"What the fuck?! What the actual fuck?! Why?! Why are you doing this to yourself?! Huh?"

"Give it back!"

"Nolwazi-"

"Give it back Jude!"

"Nolwazi, this is-"

"Give it back!!"

"No!"

I gave him a hard right to the face. Jude froze for a moment. He held his cheek as he looked at me with widened eyes. He was bleeding. I looked at the ring on my right middle finger. I realised what I did and covered my mouth in shock. If that had hit his eye...

He frowned. He showed me the injection then dropped it on the floor beside him.

"Enough." He let both his hands drop to his sides, showing me the deep wound I created. "It's that, or me. Take your pick."

I shook my head as tears flooded my face, "Jude I'm sorry."

"It's that or me!!" he roared. "Take your fucking pick!"

"J-Jude... don't..." I sobbed dropping to my knees.

"It's that! Or me! Choose!!"

"Please-"

"It's that! Or me!"

"Dont do this Jude-"

He held me by my shoulders and looked me dead in the eyes. "It's Ryan or me... choose," he growled.

My pulse felt aggressive. I could feel my heartbeat trying to break through my ribs. I could hear my pulse in my ears. As if it was trying to pound through my ear drums.

I grabbed him back using all my strength. I could barely breathe but I forced the words out. "I choose you Jude..."

His gaze softened and so did his grip on me. "Nolwazi?"