Tough Love (Book 2)

17. Officially Over

~Zinhle Mpumelelo~

We lay on the floor in silence. I was resting my arm on his, which was wrapped around my waist. I stared at his large hand, thinking of everything happening between us. We had a lot to talk about.

Sure we just fucked on my sister's bedroom floor but that doesn't change anything. We're still not an item anymore. Yes I love him and I want to forgive him but the heart doesnt always want what's best. Sometimes you gotta use your brain and my brain tells me this should end.

I heard him speak.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear. "That'll never change."

I felt as he pulled himself out of me. I let out a moan. He removed his hand from around me and got up. I sat up to see him putting on his briefs. I grabbed my own underwear and put them on as well as my bra.

When he put on his pants he walked out of the room. I grabbed his shirt and put it on before I followed him out the room. I went to the living room to see the balcony door open. I walked out to see him standing there, holding onto the railing.

I heard him sniff.

I stood close to him and gave him a hug from behind. He turned around to break the hug. I looked up at him as he looked at me. I felt his face. His cheeks were slightly wet. I wiped his tears and gave him a peck on the lips.

"I love you too. I just... I'm still hurting."

"Then let's fix it. I can't live without you Zinhle."

I dragged him inside and sat on the couch with him. "How do I know you won't lie to me again? Or maybe about something bigger?"

"I give you my word. I won't. I swear I won't. I was just afraid-"

"So you lie when you're afraid?"

"Well... it's kinda a reflex. But... the reason I didn't tell you from the beginning was because I was afraid of losing you. What we have is-"

"Had," I corrected him. "We're still not together."

He sighed, "So you were just using me?"

"You wanted it too. In fact you started it, I just gave in."

"But Zee... I love you, I wanna be with you, I wanna marry you. Please, give me second chance to prove myself," he said lowly leaning in.

Our foreheads touched and I closed my eyes. Oh how I wanted to forgive him. I wanted him so bad but I didn't want to make myself vulnerable. I wanted find strength within and move on with my life without depending on a man.

I didn't want to depend on Leon for my joy. I wanted to be happy on my own. Even if I wasnt happy at that moment, I was determined to find a way to be happy.

But it was so tempting. So so tempting to forgive him. I didn't wanna fall for it. Fall for him. The truth was I had already fallen. Hell, I just had sex with him. And its not like he made me. I ripped his shirt off. This was a tricky situation. But I had to do what's best for me.

He kissed my lips gently. Something about it made my insides melt. I placed my hand against his warm bare chest and felt as his heart steadily accelerating in his chest. I let his tongue enter my mouth, i let him explore and leave his mark in my mouth.

He broke the kiss, leaving me wanting more but I knew better than to let my emotions get the best of me. I wanted to pull him close, sit on his lap and kiss him deeper. I wanted him to touch me again, hold me again, transmit his warmth to me and shield me from the cold breeze gliding into the room through the balcony door.