Kao
Five years ago
"What are we?"
I asked before Pete could take another step away.
We were in front of my house.
I was sending him off after he walked me home.
We just had our the dinner right after he took me from school on his motorcycle just like the night before and those nights that came after.
"What do you mean?"
Pete slowly pivoted towards me just when I thought he didn't hear what I said.
"I mean, what are we? What is this?"
It's been months since I acknowledged the fact that I am crushing on Pete.
Almost the same time we had been hanging out a lot.
Alone.
Together.
Sure we became close lately.
Much closer than anyone I have in my life next to my parents.
The very first friend I took home to have dinner with my parents.
The dinner which opened up another dinner with Kaleb and Rein the next.
And before I knew it, I was already in love and I didn't know how to go about it specially because I didn't know how the tall guy who seemed to cold from the outside but really funny and soft and kind who always gives me confidence in everything every time I feel like losing it feels about me.
I had been thinking about it lately, and there were times that I almost, almost made a fool of myself and confessed only to be back out.
I know that it had not been this long and we only knew each other for a short period of time and I swear I did try to become logical about it but I just can't seem to stop.
And tonight, I just had to let it out.
"We're happy. This is how it's supposed to be."
I scoffed as I heard his answer.
Actually, I didn't know what to expect.
I was not really expecting anything.
But looking at him now, with how conflicted he seemed, I know I should expect a change in our relationship.
Sadly, it would not be the change that I had hoped for if only I would be honest with myself.
"I'm sorry."
I ended up saying when everything dawned in on me.
I can't lose Pete.
I can't afford to lose the friendship.
And it would happen if I pressed on it.
But then again, I couldn't afford to hide my feelings anymore.
These past months had been hell.
Him being sweet, and attentive and caring.
Him bringing me food to school or when I joked about it on the phone when we were texting.
Him being too nice to my parents helping them with some chores.
I can not not feel anything about it and it's driving me crazy how I didn't know what we're all those about.
