The Younger Agent - Natasha Romanoff x OC

Chapter 33 - New New Beginnings

A/n - this one is a little bit heavier than previous chapters with the subject of nightmares/panic attacks, tried to keep it relatively tame but just a lil trigger warning <3

Clint had dropped Nat and Eleanor off at the Triskelion and said goodbye, he planned to leave to go home for a few weeks immediately. Eleanor was slightly disappointed, she could do with Cooper and Lila cuddles right now, but Nat had declined the offer of going with him twice, so she didn't push it. Fury had rightfully given them a month off, starting immediately.

Eleanor was looking forward to having a month off, but she knew that it wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbows, it'd be a month of recovery, mentally and physically. Mentally she felt very worn out, they had lost people because of Loki, Coulson was gone, forever, and the battle itself was horrendous to live through. Explosions, fires, shots, blasts, screams, leviathans flying through the sky. And after everything that they had done people were still blaming them for not being able to save more of the city than they did. Eleanor was livid because she could see that it negatively affected Nat whenever they saw something about it in the media. She worked hard to wipe the red off of her ledger and hated that people were publically degrading the group even though they had all risked their lives. 

Natasha in general felt similar to Eleanor, too often over the last few days had she almost lost people that she loved, and she was struggling to cope with the emotion that came along with that. The realisation that the comfortable lifestyle that she had been living was not guaranteed. Permanence is not guaranteed. She understood this when she had a life that she wanted to change, but she loved her life now, she loved the people that she got to spend it with, so she had been living in a form of denial for some time. The harsh reminder that the reality is that they can be taken away from her so easily was hard to handle. She felt unanchored. 

But, they would get through this together, they had to, and they were sure of it. It would be hard but it would be done.

The pair had immediately climbed into bed when they arrived in their small residential area within headquarters, Nat insisted on being the one to hold Eleanor and not the other way around. She preferred it this way most of the time, feeling like she was able to keep her 100% safe, a very rare feeling in their line of work. 

Eleanor had her head tucked into the crook of Nat's neck, one arm bent into her own body and the other draped over Nat's waist and hooking around to rest her hand just below the centre of her shoulder blades, lightly scratching knowing that Nat loved the feel of it. Nat cradled Eleanor in her arms with a tight hold, with one hand under the back of her shirt to gently rub her skin as she placed small kisses on the crown of her head. It should have been bliss, but it was merely a front. Their minds were fighting for their lives as their bodies lay comfortably. 

They were both drifting in and out of consciousness but never falling asleep fully. As soon as their brains started slipping into a peaceful slumber, they briefly heard the roaring of a leviathan, the screams of terrified people, and the crashing sounds of buildings being destroyed around them. It would wake them up and make their bodies jolt as they entered fight or flight. This jolting woke up the other, if they were even asleep that is, not that they minded. When one of them jumped awake, the other would increase the grip they had on them, trying to ground them and make them feel safe.

This lasted a few hours until Natasha gave up on trying to sleep, so she just stared at the wall ahead of her instead. Eleanor had managed to drift off to sleep a few minutes prior, so she didn't dare move a muscle. Even if she couldn't sleep there was no way that she could disturb Eleanor, she would lie still forever if she had to.

Natasha stared at the wall for about five minutes before she felt Eleanor shift slightly. Her first instinct was to increase her grip, but she soon loosened slightly when she stayed asleep. Nat smiled softly and looked down at the sleeping figure, but the smile soon faded when Eleanor's body jolted forward more than it had done before, and small whimpers left her lips.