The Shine

What does it really mean to own a car anyway?

Everything was going fine until he asked me what my finish was. I told him that I didn't have a finish. He lecturing me about how I needed a finish. He clearly thought I was a rube who knew nothing when in reality I'm a savvy six month veteran of the biz.

I tried to listen respectfully but eventually I interrupted and told him that I didn't need a finish because I always lose. He started lecturing me about that. I told him that I use a superkick as a finish in honor of my illegitimate father "Gentleman" Chris Adams. He got angry and hung up on me. So much for that forty bucks.

You could say that I live in a string of cheap hotel rooms. You could say that I live in my car. You could say that I'm homeless. All of them would be right.

When I have the cash I do stay in motel. A lot of the time I sleep in my car. It's a '96 Caprice Classic wagon that I bought for a $150 off "Fanatic" Mike Mantic. I talked him down from two hundred.

I asked him why he didn't call himself "Maniac" Mike Mantic. He said that there were too many maniacs in wrestling. Not sure if he meant that literally. I should have told him to switch to "Frantic" Mike Mantic.

Despite living in it, I don't think I legally own it. There was no paperwork involved other than me handing Fanatic Mike a wad of dirty 20s. I don't know why but wrestling promoters always have the most wrinkled dirty beat up cash.

I wouldn't swear in court that Fanatic Mike owned it when he sold it to me. Whenever I get pulled over I have an index card that I wrote "registration" on. It works because I put a spell on it. You shouldn't try that.

That's the easiest way to do magic. Making a tree look like a duck is hard, but a piece of paper is a piece of paper. The meaning of the piece of paper is something we made up. You look at it and your brain makes up what it is. It's already a kind of magic.

It's not impossible to use magic to fly into the air like Superman or to shoot lightening out of your hands like Superman but I've never seen anyone do it. I saw a comic where Superman created a lightning bolt by rubbing his hand together fast so don't tell me that he can't do that. Must make jerking off a real adventure.

No one thinks I can really do magic. They ask me why I don't just magic up some money if I'm so magic. They tell me that if they had magic the first thing they would do is make themselves rich. You can counterfeit money without magic. So why aren't those people making themselves rich right now?

Learning magic doesn't make me a criminal. Magic is not like getting a wish from a genie. There's no "make yourself rich" spell. The first thing you do is whatever the person teaching you magic teaches you. Saying the first thing you'd do is make yourself rich is like saying when you learn math the first thing you're going to do is solve the Birch and Swinnerton-Dyer conjecture. The first thing I did with magic was turn a pair of wrestling trunks from black to blue. It sorta worked.

Magic and wrestling don't have a lot in common, other than shitty pay, but one thing that's very much the same is that it's not something you want to learn by trial and error. You only do stuff someone has taught you to do safely, and you only do it once you've practiced it enough and know that you can do right. Unless you're an asshole.

You're dealing with the foundations of the universe. Anything could happen if you do it wrong. Well not anything, just bad things.  

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