The Shine

Maybe she's born with it maybe it's Maybelline

I had my best match so far last night. I was working a guy called Little Junior Toro. I was expecting him to be a rip-off of El Torito. Based on that I thought that he might be a little person. That seems like something a wrestling promoter would do, book a little person against a woman.

Is it wrong that I wasn't sure about wrestling a little person? Yes. He was little, not a little person but a regular sized person who was little. He was a non-little person who was around five four. He didn't have a bull gimmick like El Torito, he was dressed like a fish. He had a silvery bodysuit that was made to look like scales and he had fin things on his forearms and the backs of his legs. I learned that Toro also means fish.

I thought he looked like a fool in that fishsuit. He knew his business. He put together a great match for us. People were actually cheering. Not many people because there weren't many people in the crowd. That was the first time anyone's cheered for me. Actually cheered for me, not just cheering because they were seeing me take a sick bump. Cheering at seeing me get fucked up.

I started wrestling because there was no other way for me to make money. Not a way that I found palatable. I've heard a lot of other wrestlers talk about the rush of performing. That that's why they do this objectively shitty job. Getting cheered for real made me understand them a little better. I can see how you could get a rush from that.

I thanked Toro after the match and while we were talking he told me that I need to get myself some decent ring gear. He went on a semi-rant about how every show is a dozens guys in jeans and black t-shirts. He said that one of the reasons that he's successful, but not that successful because he was working a show with me at an event center in Broken Arrow but this is his job successful, is because he has a memorable look.

You forget the fifteen guys in black t-shirts and jeans. You remember the guy dressed like a fish. He told me that I have to invest in some real ring gear if I want to be anything other than another anonymous face. Toro was saying you have to spend money to make money in a different way.

He's right, although the female version of a black t-shirt and jeans is booty shorts and sports bra. Which is fine that he's right, but that shit is expensive. You want something that looks good you have to pay out the ass for it. Assuming you can even find someone to make it for you. All due respect to Mr. Toro but not all of us have wives that are seamstresses and can make us fancy fish outfits. Maybe I should work on trying to learn a spell that can sew for me.

Since I was feeling happy about having a good match something bad had to happen to balance it out. That's the law of the universe.

The promoter, who was wearing a belt buckle that had what looked like a taxidermy weasel head on it, gave me shit about not wearing make-up. He said that he assumed that I was going to cover up my scars before I went out there because "You're here to look like you're getting beat up in the ring, not to look like you already got beat up."

I don't know shit about make-up. If I did I don't think I'd cover up my scars. That's something memorable about me like Toro and his fish scales. I remember the first time I was backstage at a show and saw the women in front of their mirrors doing their make-up. I was shocked that you'd put make-up on to go wrestle. That was stupid. Of course women wear make-up in the ring. When you go to the WWE the first thing women do, before wrestling, before promos, before anything, is take a make-up class. That's fucked.

Once a woman I was working was trying to put me in a headlock. She had no clue what she was doing and we ended up standing there cheek to cheek. Some of her foundation or blush or whatever make-up it was she had on got in my eye from her cheek.

That hurt like a motherfucker. My eye got all infected and pusy the next few weeks. How does that make sense? Isn't make-up supposed to be safe? I know you're not supposed to get it in your eye, but aren't they testing cosmetics on the Easter Bunny to make sure it doesn't fuck up your eye if it does get in there?

Maybe I'm allergic to cosmetics. That's what I should tell people that hassle me about it.

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