The Shine

Super famous

James Ellsworth was on the same show as me last night. He eclipses Paris Torrisi as the most famous person I've been on a show with so far.

James Elsworth is an indy guy who got brought in at WWE to get squashed by Strongman McGee. They did squashes for a while a fear years ago. Ellsworth got a 5 second promo before he got womped and based on that and doing a good job bumping the internet decided they loved him.

In a rare event the WWE listened to the internet and Ellsworth turned that one squash for WWE into 3 years. I have no idea how much money he made but it had to be seven thousand times more than he was making before. Was it enough to set him up for life? No. But I'd take it.

He's a quintessential indy guy. He's a good worker who knows all the tricks but he doesn't have the look, charisma, looks, size, looks, or promo skills to ever make it. He hit the lottery and got me make it anyway. He got to beat AJ Styles on TV. He was on PPVs. Which you no longer pay to view directly.

There are a lot of wrestlers who are pissed that he got his fifteen minutes/three years of fame and they didn't. That's like getting mad at someone for finding a bag of money. What do you want them to do, not pick it up?

Ellsworth is back on the indies now and he's declared himself the intergender champion of the world, ripping off Andy Kauffman. Since I've been thinking about ripping off Andy Kaufman with an intergender gimmick also I asked him if he was interested in working with me.

I don't know if he said it because he believes it or if he just wanted to blow me off but he had a good point. The intergender gag only works when the man is the heel. An asshole misogynist getting his come-uppance is something people want to see. A "heroic" man wailing on a wicked woman not so much. There are crowds that would eat that up but I wouldn't want to be in that building.

Now I want to make that happen. I want to be a truly reviled heel getting mercilessly beaten bloody by a bigger stronger man and the crowd LOVES it. They can't get enough of it. I'm going to put that on my list of perverse wrestling goals along with having a flag match where I'm repping the USA and everyone boos me out of the building.

Ellsworth has a career because the internet randomly gave him one. I wonder what I could do to get the internet on my side. Does anyone know where Matt Lauer is? I bet if I bumped into him on the street, put him in a chokehold and told everyone that I had to defend myself because he was getting aggressive with me, that would get people on my side bigtime. He looks a hefty but I don't think he could hurt me. Even if he did I've been hurt plenty for nothing so why not? 

Comments (0) | Leave a comment | Like | Share | Report this Post