The Shine

Probably not his actual name

Last night two vets were engaging a classic old timer ritual, going back and forth cataloging their injuries. The key is to pretend that you're proud of a thing like the fact that you can't walk up stairs without turning sideways. Pretend your horrible injury is a badge of honor.

When I got up and walked by this conversation Bruiser "the Dick" Dickbruiser asked me what injuries I had. The joke being I'm new and also a stupid girl who by definition doesn't work hard and therefore I would have none.

"Do you just mean wrestling injuries because my vagina is WRECKED you know what I mean? High five!"

I held my hand up but sadly was left hanging. There are women that have perfected the skill of being "the girl" in a mob of dudes. They know how to be one of the guys without really being one of the guys. They know how to be fun and flirty without getting raped. They know how to be funny but not too funny. It's a very narrow path they walk. I could never do it.

That's one reason why I don't have any wrestling buddies. Most people at this stage of their career travel in packs. It's a great way to save money, jam 20 people in a van, sleep in a pile in one motel room like a snakepit, split a sack of raw potatoes for dinner, etc.

I'm broke and love saving money but that's not the lifestyle for Little Orphan Gracie.

I did almost have a wrestling buddy once. Guy named Josh who wrestles under the name Dan Conway. Dan Conway because his claim to fame is being trained by Rob Conway, a wrestler who was in WWE. We bumped into each other on a few shows and somehow we got to talking about our childhoods. His parents died when he was a kid and he grew up in the foster care system like me. Well, not like me because he didn't run away and live on the street for long periods of time but we had some shared experiences.

It's not important that I talk about that stuff, but if I'm going to its nice to do it with someone who doesn't get weird. I can't talk to normal people about my shitty childhood because they don't know how to react. My sad childhood makes them uncomfortable. Someone who's been through a similar thing can laugh about it without cringing or being overly sensitive or without going too far the other way and actually being a jerk.

Like being "the girl" in a guy mob it's a fine line.

That potential friendship was nipped in the bud when I went to a party with him that turned out to be, well I'm not sure what it was. What do you call an orgy with prostitution? A woman has these parties where she pays wrestlers to come and double up on her while everyone else watches and cheers her on.

There's a tradition in wrestling where when you're young and broke sometimes you do "exhibition" matches at a gay guy's house in your underwear. Not in your ring gear, which is often very much like underwear, your actual underwear. That's important. I'm surprised it's still a thing given the availability of whatever you want sexually these days. That seems like something from the 30's.

This wasn't that. What JoshDan was doing was just straight up money for sex. That would have been nice to know BEFORE he took me to this woman's house. A heads up outside in the car at least would have been something.

Instead, I walk into a party, which isn't my scene to begin with, and then people start taking off their clothes and getting down on it. JoshDan gave me a look like he honestly had just forgotten to mention that he was taking me to his sex work gig and was embarrassed. He told me I didn't have to do anything if I didn't want to.

Yeah, no shit.

He drove so I was stuck waiting while he earned his money. What's the rule I learned in Mexico? Never let anyone drive you anywhere. You need your own way to escape.

While I was in that house trying not to see people fucking, I saw what I think was magic paraphernalia. I thought about asking the hostess about it when people weren't fucking all over the place but I decided against it at that time.

Now, I need whatever help I can get.

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