The Shine

The show must go on

I bought a 1980 Crown Victoria for 5oo bucks. The odometer says it has 34,000 miles on it. How is that possible for a car that old? I should have asked. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself at the time. I have a piece of shit car, my phone, and the clothes on my back. I lost my charger with my old car. I'm going to have to be careful about keeping my phone charged.

I booked a show in Pegram Friday. I have enough money left to get there. And to maybe get some food on the way. It's hard to see what the point is.

A lot of wrestlers work as bouncers. I've heard them say if you do that job long enough you can tell when a guy wants to fight. When you get really good at being a bouncer you can tell when someone wants to get their ass kicked. I never understood that before but that's how I feel now. When you feel worthless you want worse stuff to happen to you.

I don't have many good qualities. One of them has been that I don't let the world get me down. Life kicks the shit out of me but I just push forward. Nothing else you can do. I'm having a hard time finding that within myself now. Two people are dead and what? Life just goes on? Everyone just walks around like everything is fine? It's not fine.

I never watched Breaking Bad but I saw a clip where the kid who screams bitch is in rehab. He's losing his shit because he can't understand how if you keep screwing up all the time and forgiving yourself what the point of life is. The old therapist guy tells him that beating yourself up doesn't make anything better either.

Both sides seem valid. I guess if there were an answer people wouldn't be fucked up and sad all the time.

I remember a guy at a show once who was upset because his father had died. The promoter said to him "the show goes on no matter who dies".

I guess that's right.

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