The Shine

You'd think an alien wizard would be better at this

Last night a guy came up to me after my show and explained that the reason I can do magic is because I'm an alien hybrid. You see what happened was in ancient times, humans were slaves to the Atlanteans and Lemurians. Atlantis gets all the press but there was another island called Lemuria where alien lords lived too.

Then some other aliens came and injected their DNA into humans and made hybrids so they could do magic. Human humans can't do magic of course. The Lemurians and Atlanteans knew about magic but they thought it was weak sauce so they didn't pay attention to what was going on.

That was a mistake. The human-other alien hybrids did some big time magic and fucking sank their islands into the sea because they didn't want to be slaves anymore. So Atlanteans and Lemurians had to get back on their spaceships and go back to space.

I let this lunatic tell me about this because he took me to Shake Shack. Afterwards when I was driving back to Kim's apartment, I thought that it's not really right for me to make fun of this guy. People think I'm crazy because I claim I can do magic. Who am I to judge him? I have proof though. That's the difference now that I think about it.

One of my readers who probably doesn't think I'm an alien suggested that the way to figure out what's going on at the club where I think Even's friend is being held against their will would be to hire a PI. I thought this was a great idea until I called a few PIs. I found out that 87 dollars doesn't get you far with those guys.

I called up a couple female wrestlers. You know the kind I mean. I asked if they wanted to try and sexy their way into the club. They were not interested. At all. As a longshot, I called up a guy I barely know who wrestles a Boneyard and works as a bounty hunter in real life.

My offer of 87 dollars and the pitch that "some of these guys probably have warrants" did not convince the Boneman to drive 18 hours from Amarillo to check it out. Although he did explain to me that warrants and bounties are not the same thing.

I even called up my detective pal in Atlanta. She hung up on me before I finished my first sentence. I know if I tell Evan and Frankie, they're going to grab some of their wrestling pals and go there and think they can just kick ass and take names. Wrestlers are like that. I know no good will come of that.

I wish I was smarter. The only thing I can think to do is follow denim vest and say that I was busting his balls because I actually like him. But the idea of me seducing anyone is laughable. And what would even be the point? Just to have him bring me to the club?

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