The Shine

Q Crew!

There's a video of a wardrobe malfunction I had at a show in Fayetteville a few weeks back. My nipple was exposed for a nanosecond. If there's one talent wrestling fans have its detecting nipples. They're also good at isolating and expanding them to be shared with the world. I don't know which to be upset about more, the video or the fact that only two hundred people have viewed it.

Or that it has no likes.

I had a bit of a mix up in Lawrence last night.

On the good side the promoter did some advertising, which is a god damn miracle. Most promoters are terrible at promoting. They put up a few flyers and call it good. And then wonder why no one shows up.

Maybe they should be called organizers. Most of the promotion was not about wrestling. It was about how local DJ was going to fight a porn star. At least they were getting the word out. Her name was Juicebox or Gloryhole. I'd heard several times about how this porn star was going to be there. This is an important detail for what happens next.

I get to the venue and they have a dressing room for the female talent. This is a true miracle. I dress in my car most of the time. A lot of the places I work have nowhere for anyone to dress. If they do it's for the guys because there hardly ever women on on the show anyway.

I know some women go in and dress with the guys like it's no big deal. While making a big deal about how it's no big deal to them. It will be a cold day in hell before I do that. They promoted the show and they had a dressing room for me? This should have been a great gig.

When I went into the changing area, I saw a woman with giant bleach-blonde hair, gianter fake tits, a mess of crappy tattoos, and those weird puffy porn lips. What's the deal with those porn lips? Do people like that look?

I assumed that was the porn lady I had heard so much about. We start talking and I asked her something about being in the adult film industry. She flipped because it turns out she was not the porn lady, she was a wrestler there to work the show like me. I apologized. I also pointed out that looking the way she did, she shouldn't be so offended if someone makes that mistake. In retrospect that was not cool.

This made her more mad, mad enough that she tried to slap me. I got a hold of her by the arm and forced her to the ground without hurting her much. Once I had her pinned I explained to her that she may come from some Real Housewives slap-happy bullshit fucking world where that's something you do to emphasize a point, but that in the world I come from if you slap someone that means you want to fight, a real fight with punching and eye gouging.

I told her that I was going to let her up and when I did if she tried slapping me again, knowing what that meant, then we'd have a fight because that what she was asking for. When I let her up and she didn't try to slap me again, she just cursed the blue blazes at me and then ran off to tell the promoter.

I'm pretty sure he would have kicked me off the show if he hadn't already paid me. Instead I had to listen to a lecture from him and then apologize to her again because she looks like an adult film actress. I already have a reputation for being "difficult" and reputation is all you have to get jobs in this line of work, so this isn't great.

On top of everything else my match sucked. The girl I was working with was sandbagging me the whole time and everything we did looked like shit. I don't know if she did that because she's friends with the not porn star or just because she knew the promoter was mad at me and she wanted to suck up to him by making me look bad but she was giving me nothing. We botched the finish and she fucking landed right on my face with her ass.

Here's the punchline. The actual porn star they promoted so heavily never showed up, so the lady I was beefing with did the spot with the DJ pretending to be a porn star.

No one else thought that was funny.

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