The Shine

Force yourself to carry on

Some assholes in the comments have asked why I'm still posting if I'm so broken up about what happened in Lyons. Fair question. You're still assholes.

Writing these messages doesn't make me feel better but it makes me not feel worse. When I was a kid a social worker told me once that I should imagine that I have a rope in my mind. Everything I'm worried about I hang on that rope so it's organized. That helps. A little.

I started this blog on a whim. I know that not many people read it. I know that most of those people that do aren't even fans. But I think if I stop doing it I'd lose something. I don't know what. Something I need right now.

I've met 5 Austin Starrs in wrestling and I know of at least 3 others. Austin Starr is close to the wrestling equivalent of John Smith. This Austin Starr is 37, is a good talker, a solid worker, and has a great look. He's been wrestling for 15 years he's never gotten anywhere close to "making it". Unless you're into the Memphis wrestling scene you've never heard of him. The most exposure he ever got was working a non-televised match for AEW on their tribute to Memphis wrestling.

If he can't make it who can? He seems happy. He invited me to stay with him after the Saturday show. In a moment of weakness, I allowed myself to be convinced. His wife Laura has wrestled some too but mostly she was his valet. I watched some clips of their stuff. They had a good act going. Being a sidekick is kind of a lost art. A lot of dudes bring their girlfriend along as their manager but they don't do anything.

Or they do the wrong thing. Your job as a manager or valet is to help get the person in the ring over. If they can't talk, you talk for them. If they have to lose, you do something to look bad so they can look strong. If the crowd isn't buying it, you sell it to them. Too many of these tag along girlfriends do nothing but pull attention to themselves.

Laura is pregnant. I've never been around a pregnant woman before. It's strange. They were so nice and welcoming that it made me feel uncomfortable. I think they just love wrestling and like to help other wrestlers out.

Laura had a bunch of old gear that she said I could have. Luckily none of it fit. I would have looked ridiculous in her sexy outfits but I wouldn't have been able to say no. She was at least able to give me some street clothes to wear. She weirdly desperate to give me something. It was awkward.

At one point she very kindly asked me if there was anything I needed to get off my chest. I told her no. I managed to keep it together most of the weekend but one time I did go into the bathroom and stuff a towel in my mouth so they wouldn't hear me crying.

Sometimes when you're sad you want people to help. Other times people helping you just makes you feel worse because you don't think you're worth helping.

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