The Shine

Jokes about sexual assault are hilarious

Half of my matches at least have been intergender. Usually because I'm the only woman booked on the show. Doug the Disco Biscuit hates intergender matches. Not because he's a crabby old man, because he feels that women learn bad habits working with men. It's not the same. He's also worried about the public perception if a woman gets hurt really badly wrestling a guy.

I don't really care one way or another for my part.

Until now I've never really had any issues with the guys I've worked being dicks about. Probably they shit talk behind my back, but to my face they're fine. I work a lot of newer guys who are just glad to be on the show. It's probably some kind of hazing. Work with the girl rookie!

That changed last night. I worked a guy called Lance Armstrong. That's his real name and in the world of wrestling where everyone uses a different name he decided to stick with it. He looked like Chris Masters only without a stupid face. I asked him what he wanted to do for our match and he said "How about when we're out there you try to keep my cock out of your ass?" He and his crew of douchebags laughed like it was the funniest joke ever told.

I never met this guy and right out of the gate he goes to threats of anal rape. Classy. He must be boys with someone I've pissed off. That could be any number of people. I need to work on my people skills. After that interaction I figured there was no point in talking anything else over about our match.

Once we got out there, he stood in the middle of the ring flexing and ignoring me. If I tried to do a move he'd shove me away. The crowd was not pleased by this. Eventually I left the ring, sat in a chair out in the crowd and chanted "bullshit" with them. I also got them chanting "live strong".

Eventually I gave up on trying to have a match and went backstage. The promoter was not pleased. Shortly thereafter, Lance Armstrong came back and told him that we had worked out a spot ahead of time where he would flex and then I would roll him up and the match would start in earnest. He said that I had sandbagged him. I didn't bother to argue.

I don't think I'll be working for All-Pro Pro Wrestling, or Pro Pro as they call it, again. I didn't get paid. I also didn't find out what the hell that guy's problem was with me.

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