The Shine

Rolling Stones, Street Fighting Man! G-7!

Wrestling is a strange culture. That's a shocking controversial statement I know. Wrestlers are not real fighters but they are pretending to be real fighters very hard. Some of them pretend so hard it gets confusing for them. This confusion is not helped by the fact that there are some legit bad mother fuckers in the world of wrestling.

I've heard that when an actor trains to be in a movie about boxing they can't help but start to think they're really bad men and could be pro boxers. I think some of the same thing happens in wrestling. You pretend to be a badass so hard and you forget that you aren't. Which is funny because playing make believe in your underpanties as a job is about as non-badass as it gets.

Two things happened last night. One was that I overheard two women discussing the pros and cons of wearing a thong under their ring gear. I found this exchange utterly fascinating. I wear dance shorts under my trunks, $7.99 at Wal-Mart. After listening to them I looked at some thongs online. Why are they so expensive? There's literally 99% less fabric there. They should cost 99% less. Sometimes hear other women talking I wonder if we're the same species.

The other thing was a fight. A real one. The motivation was not well understood but I gather that someone slept with someone else's wife and the guy whose wife was slept with didn't like that that had happened. There was a scuffle backstage, possibly more than one, and then the two parties agreed to meet in the parking lot to fight after the show. I didn't know guys really did that, I thought only happened in old movies.

A related strange thing about wrestling is that you can end up working with someone that you hate. That's not strange itself, most people probably work with someone they hate, but in wrestling working involves putting your life in each other's hands. I'm surprised there aren't "accidents" all the time.

Back in the day IRL Edge slept with Matt Hardy's girlfriend. At first the fired Hardy because he was being a whiny bitch about it. Then they brought him back and he worked a program with Edge based on the real thing that happened. Can you imagine pretend fighting the guy who non-pretend fucked your girlfriend? The temptation to real drop them on their head and kill them has to be massive.

Word had gotten around about the REAL fight so a bunch of fans were hanging around in the parking lot waiting for the showdown. I know for a fact there were more people in the parking lot to see the fight than there had been inside the venue for the show.

What I saw is a sucker punch, some rolling around on the ground, and then a bunch of other dudes pulling them apart. There was more after that, but weird man-rules about who/how/what you do in a street fight were going on so I didn't stick around. Men have a lot of rules about when you can hit someone and I don't try to understand them. The only rule that I know for sure is that you're not supposed to punch your girlfriend in public. You do that at home. Like a gentleman.

Once those two dopes saw how many people were there with their phones ready to record the fight, they should have turned it into an angle. If they had worked it right that parking lot fight could have gotten them more attention than a hundred po-dunk little shows. They missed an opportunity there. Maybe I should be a creative consultant for other wrestlers. 

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