The Shine

The porn star's revenge

The referee was wearing a dark blue shirt. Usually they wear a white and black striped shirt like a real sports referee. Sometimes they wear a shirt for the company when they can't afford a referee shirt. This guy was wearing a dark blue shirt. It looked shiny like tops other women wear. What is that shiny material? Silk?

I don't know why I remember that shirt so clearly. But I do. That shirt is burned in my memory.

I was supposed to wrestle "The Mexican Nightmare" Fernando Vergara, who is a half-Cuban half-Somali guy from Canada. Actors get in trouble for that now. You can only play a role that is what you are. I wonder when wrestling is going to start catching hell for that.

He was a luchador for 25 years and then unmasked and became a wild brawler whose gimmick is that he's bitter because he gave his life and his body to wrestling and has nothing to show for it so he's going to take it out on everyone else. That's a good gimmick. Because it's the truth.

When I got to the ring there was no Fernando waiting for me. There was a woman in the ring instead. No big deal, wouldn't be the first time my match was changed and no one bothered to tell me. She was announced as Kage Kumo but she was just a boring white person like me. Right before the bell rung, the referee breezed past me in his dark blue shirt and said "watch out for her".

For a tenth of a second I assumed that he meant "she's new so take it easy on her" until she started swinging on me with legit punches. I shoved her away. She jumped on me like kids fighting on the bus. We fell into the corner like a sack full of soggy peacocks.

The crowd, being bloodthirsty monsters, were buzzing. Whenever it looks like someone might be fighting "for real" wrestling fans get a hard on. It's confusing because they can watch people fight for real whenever they want. What is the appeal of a fake fight that turns real into a real fight? I guess the fans want to see people get hurt when they didn't sign up for it. Fucking savages.

While we were tangled up, she raked the laces of her boot across my face right by my eye. The rivets ripped me open bad. She tried to keep me down in the corner but I pushed my way up and we both fell through the ropes to the floor. Out of the ring, she tried to clap me on the ear but I blocked that and elbowed her in the jaw.

I think that elbow knocked her out but I put her in a choke anyway. When I was sure she was out, I threw her face-first into the concrete. I had the urge to stomp the back of her head a couple hundred times. I did not do that. Because I am a good person.

The referee and his dark blue shirt were hanging through the ropes and he said "You're bleeding pretty good there."

No shit.

I got thrown out of the building "for my own safety" before I got paid. I mean that literally. The promoter had one of his goons physically hurl me out the door. I'm sure he'll Venmo me the money he owes me later.

I spent the next couple of days figuring out what had happened. Remember that lady with a Tijuana boob job and the sausage lips that got mad at me because I thought she was a porn star? I guess she's been nursing a grudge and she's tight with Vergara.

I called her up and said that instead of taking out a "hit" on me, we should make some money and work this as an angle. Her counteroffer was that I get cervical cancer and die. Which is a tough negotiating position to take.

I can't blame her. She probably thought I wanted to get her in the ring so I could beat her face in.

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