Random OneShots

Hurtin'

By: Bunny17 on Ao3

Jegulus

~~~~

"Will you stay?"

James hates that he has to ask, hates how desperate he sounds, how needy.

He'd spent months waiting for the day that Regulus would stay. That he wouldn't just get up and leave the second they'd managed to calm their breathing and clean themselves up.

It was pathetic, really, how hard James had tried to keep the words from leaving his lips, even more pathetic how easily they'd bubbled over as regulus stood, making his way over to collect his robes from where they lay haphazardly across the floor.

"I have to study." The slytherin replies, detached, as though they haven't spent the last hour engaging in the most intimate of acts.

James feels his stomach clench, biting his tongue to try and stop the urge to beg as he fiddles with the sheets pooling at his waist.

"Just this once- I-"

"Enough. James."

James flinches slightly at the younger boy's tone, curling in on himself in insecurity as he fights not to recognise the tears welling up in his eyes.

"No- don't- I didn't mean it like that." Regulus softens, watching in slight horror as James seems to shrink before his eyes. "Come on. It's fine, let's just- we can see each other tomorrow, okay?"

James nods but doesn't look up. He can feel something awful constricting at his chest, making it slightly hard to breathe.

'Not now.' He thinks desperately. 'Please, merlin, not now.'

"Okay." He says softly, his fingers toying with a loose thread on the sheets.

He needs Regulus to leave. Needs the younger boy to get out so that he can finally break down and hold himself through it.

He knows that he should just suck it up and grin like he normally does; that seeing regulus the next day, and the day after that, should be enough for for him, even if they have to hide.

But it isn't.

It hurts. Hurts to be Regulus' dirty little secret. Hurts that he has to lie to Sirius, and Remus and Pete. Hurts that he has to fight not to sob each time the younger boy leaves him in the dust and sneers at him with his death eater friends.

"James?" Regulus asks, taking a few careful steps back towards the bed - their bed - before he can stop himself. He isn't sure when the older boy lost his cocky grin and started to look so vulnerable, but it sobers him up quickly; soothes his mean streak. "James?" He reaches out, his hand pausing just short of James' biceps, unsure as to whether his touch is welcome.

"It's fine." James says, cringing at the sound of his own voice. "It's fine. Just go, I'll see you tomorrow."

"James, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"I didn't say it to be harsh- I really- I have things to do I can't just- "

"It's fine."

"James."

"You can go. Really. I need you to go, now." James is struggling not to blink, knowing that it will send the liquid building in his eyes straight down his cheeks.

Regulus sits himself on the edge of the bed, his eyes wide with concern as a fat tear spills down the cheek of his sort-of-boyfriend.

"Don't cry." Regulus whispers, quite uselessly, feeling himself grow panicked as he reaches out, his thumb brushing the tear off of James' skin. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I just- you can't just-" James can feel the sobs bubbling up in his throat, his tongue growing thick in his mouth as he tries to get regulus to understand him.

"It hurts." He gasps after a moment, his hand coming up to grip his chest, his fingers digging painfully into the muscle. "When you- it feels like you don't want me."

He can't bare the way regulus is looking at
him, a mixture of concern, confusion and... pity?

God, is he that pathetic?

James tries to turn onto his side, curling in on
himself again as he tries to escape regulus' gaze.

"No. No James, not that. Never that." Regulus
whispers, caving almost immediately as he
climbs back under the covers, wrapping his
arms protectively around the more muscled boy,
realising for the first time how little he actually
holds him. "You're it for me. Everything I ever wanted. And sometimes that scares me. That's all."

He feels James shudder against him, the dam
finally breaking as tears begin to stream down
the Gryffindor's cheeks.

(Regulus adds it to the list of reasons he hates
himself.)