Random OneShots

Why

By: orphan_account on Ao3

Reddie

~~~

    He fell in love. Too fast, but also not soon enough.

    He fell in love with the brown-eyed boy, who talked too much but never said anything.

    Except, he had never spoken to the boy.

    He knew of him; of Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier, best friend of Beverly Marsh and Stanley Uris.

    Bill talked about him sometimes. He was head over heels for Stan, and with Stan, came Richie.

    Ben talked about him, too. He was with the one and only Beverly Marsh, and like Stan and Richie, Bev and Richie were attached at the hip.

    Were. They were best friends. Eddie loved him.

    Eddie loved the boy, the boy who hid his emotions behind jokes, the boy who couldn't stop smoking, the boy who, no matter what, could never believe that anyone, anyone at all, could ever love him.

    And Bill told Eddie that. Bill and Richie were friends, kind of. The type of friend that you'd say hi to if you saw them in public, but wouldn't actually hang out together.

    Bill told Eddie that Richie was actually a really sad person. A hurting person, a broken person. Bill told Eddie that he and Richie should meet. They should be friends! They'd be great for each other, right?

    But Eddie was too scared. Scared of many things, actually, from the chance of second-hand lung cancer from Richie's growing addiction to the chance of rejection. Eddie loved Richie, and he knew that Richie didn't love him, but he just wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, it was a possibility.

    Eddie didn't want to break that fantasy, as selfish as it is.

    So when school ended for summer vacation, Eddie didn't say hi to Richie. He didn't meet Bill at the quarry to hang out with Stan and Bev and, of course, Richie. He didn't talk to anyone that summer besides Bill and Ben and Mike, and his mother, because as much as he hates her, he can't just ignore her.

    And when school started up again, and he didn't see the boy he loved in the hallways on the first day, he shrugged it off. He's probably out back with Bev, smoking those cancer sticks like always.

    And when he saw Bev and Stan walking together, Bev's arm around Stan's shoulder and Stan's head down, he didn't bother asking why. Stan was probably just having a bad day. Everybody has bad days sometimes.

    But when Bill took Bev's place in comforting Stan, and now Bev was the one crying, Eddie noticed. He noticed that Bill was crying too, not as much as Stan or Bev, but still tears. Tears quickly rolling down his freckled face, as if it was a race. And Eddie didn't ask. Eddie didn't ask why they were crying, because they had each other.

    But Eddie did notice when Richie didn't come to school again. And again. And now it had been a week, and Eddie hadn't seen the bespectacled boy anywhere.

    And he and Bill didn't really talk much. He was always with Stan or with Bev or with both of them.

    And then it was announced, to not only Eddie but the whole student body, that 'Richard Tozier passed away last week due to suicide. The counselor's office is open to everyone. We will be having a memorial this Thursday.'

    And Eddie stared, and he didn't cry, because who was he to cry?

    He loved him, yes, but is it even love if Richie never knew?

    And Eddie gave Bill a tight hug, and comforting pats on the shoulders of Bev and Stan.

    And Eddie went to the funeral, of course he did! If not for Richie, then for Bill. And there, Eddie cried. Because now he knew. He knew he loved Richie, but Richie would never know.

    Rejection is no longer a possibility, because you can't speak or feel or move or do anything, anything at all, when you're dead.

    And that is why Eddie cries.